PPD

So Sunday night was not much better and with all of the crying and emotions I felt over the weekend I have begun to wonder if I may be heading down the path to PPD.  I, in fact, made this exact statement to J.T. this morning.  He suggested exercise, fish oil, and to reach out to the doctor.   We also decided I would drop the Summer I class I was supposed to start tonight.  Side note:  I somehow got through the rest of my spring semester and got three A's so arrogantly assumed taking a single summer I class would be a non-issue.  Had baby sitters lined up, ordered the text books, but given my state of mind it seemed best not to add anything else to equation so I dropped the class this morning.

I went to the stroller exercise class and it did feel infinitely better to be out exercising and commiserating with a mom of a sometimes fussy 7 week old.  I also called a friend and she was of great support.  During our phone call however one dog ate half a pacifier and the other one lost the use of one of his back legs.  So I got off and called the vet who wanted me to bring both dogs in ASAP.

That's right while running on fumes, I was supposed to bring in my 5 week old and two dogs, one of whom could not walk.  Somehow this challenge invigorated me and I was able to pull it off with Isabella only getting fussy towards the end of our 2 hour visit to the vet (which I think actually got us out of there a bit faster!).  They induced vomiting in the dog who ate the paci and popped the knee of the other dog back into place, so all in all a successful visit.  After the vet, I stopped at the Chick-fil-a and drove around Charlotte for 30 minutes while Isabella and the dogs slept in the back seat.

After dropping the dogs back off at home Isabella and I went to Target to exchange some things.  I am noticing that Isabella does like to be out and about.  Even though she just stays in her carseat or in the stroller maybe the change of the scenery does her good!

I also spoke to the doctor about my Postpartum Depression concerns.  Turns out my only symptoms were not just feeling hopeless on occasion or all the tears.  Apparently it is not common to lose all 30 pounds of your pregnancy weight (plus some) in 5 weeks.  Also it is not common to have trouble sleeping when you get the opportunity when you are getting virtually no sleep.   So, there you go.  The doctor said he would refer me to a counselor who is supposed to get in touch to do a more thorough evaluation and he mentioned meds, but said I would need to stay on the for at least 6 months.  I am certainly hoping that once I get my recovery issues under control (yup still bleeding) and a better handle on Miss Isabella's eating/sleeping things will look brighter, so I declined further discussion of the medication.

I gotta tell you, finding myself in this position has caught me completely off guard.  I have highs and lows just like everyone else but despite very stressful situations have always found ways to cope on my own.  The doctor explained that each person has a threshold.  For some being a first time parent and postpartum hormones are enough to trigger PPD.  For others the threshold is higher.  Apparently my threshold is  24 hours of labor, plus a c-section, plus stomach distention and a five day hospital stay, plus breastfeeding issues, plus an abscess and readmission into the hospital, plus excessive postpartum bleeding, plus a trip to the emergency room, plus no answers for the continued bleeding plus extensive medical bills from all of the above, plus a newborn with feeding and sleeping issues, plus being a first time parent and hormones.