We went to our RE for our first IVF consult Friday. We sat down across from the doctor and listened to him review our situation to date and the statistics of where IVF could take us. As a nerdy, data loving educator this conversation should have been right up my alley. However, with each relatively positive statistic he provided I could not stop the tears from first filling my eyes and then rolling down my cheeks. We asked a million questions, and he provided an answer to each. While I never openly sobbed, I couldn't stop the quiet waterworks.
We left with the understanding that a June cycle was a definite possibility. We were headed to meet some friends for dinner. We got there about an hour early. We were trying out at a trendy Gastropub and surrounded by craft beers, tapas and hipster strangers we made a life changing decision. Within one hour of leaving the RE we had come to the mutual agreement that IVF was not our next step. We landed there from a place of logic and firm belief that IVF was not how we were meant to start our family. Our path would be be continued through the gift of adoption.
For three and a half years of uncertainty and infinitely more questions than answers, we now had a sense of direction not previously experienced before. In our new excitement we shared our news with our families and, upon their arrival, our friends. All of whom shared in our excitement. We sat down to order drinks, three beers and a water for our friend who was 5 months pregnant. For three and half years, like other women in my position, I struggled internally with pregnancy announcements, baby showers, gender reveals, and all things expecting. The sense of peace I felt that evening that replaced the stab of jealousy/frustration/shame I usually experienced when discussing all things baby was further confirmation that we had made the decision we were meant to make.