I then recalled as a part of our yearly 5th grade field study to Colonial Williamsburg we participate in "Dance to the Drummer's Beat!" an evening event where we learn about the rhythm, dancing and music adapted from the West African people in colonial America. Through this program we participated in work songs. These call and response songs helped motivate as well as modulate the rhythm of work so there were not outliers that would draw attention in the group.
Now I don't mean to come across as overly dramatic, and I fully recognize that our current trials and tribulations pale in comparison to the life and death situations recounted above, but there is some commonality: when our souls are in distress, music can serve as a balm in many different ways.
In addition to motivation, modulation, and mantra, it can also speak to our very soul guiding us to consider new ideas and in ways we had never before considered. At various stages of our journey there have been songs that have spoken straight to my very core and helped me to see things in a new light. Each one serving a distinct purpose during this season of life.
The first couple of years of infertility I remember only silence (maybe with some stormy sounds mixed in). Then one day I began to see that this journey was so much more than achieving our goal of starting a family, and that even though I had always believed and knew God was there I began to see Him and His works in a new light--less abstract and more personal.
After couple more years of living in the land of the unknown (treatments, steps toward adoption) I began to recognize that this journey is not without end (though there are still plenty of days that I forget) and that someday there will be resolution and peace in our lives once again. However, I was still envisioning that sun within the lens of my own hopes and desires.
I did not know what I was doing next. Or rather, I did know what I was supposed to do-give it all over to the Lord, but did not know how or even where to begin!
I needed to learn that my life is so much more than me and what I am capable of.
And that the only way I am truly going to have peace, in this season or any yet to come, is by trusting in God.
Which leads me to believe that the true story behind the last few years had very little to do with starting a family and very much to do with me connecting with my Heavenly Father in the way He designed for each of us.
I have no idea where the story goes next, so it looks like I will just have to keep my ears open.