Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Christmas by Numbers

3000-  The minimum number of calories I ate and drank each day--they were so yummy!
74-      The high temperature we experienced while in TN at the end of December- Crazy!
33-      The number of family members we got to visit with- so nice to see everyone:)
20-      The number of hours we spent in the car-it's a good thing we find one another amusing.
9-        The number of miles I ran while we were away-making only a tiny dent in consumed calories
6-        The number of days I got to spend with my best friend and love of my life
5-        The number of states traveled
4-        The number of furry friends our puppies got to spend the holidays with

If you add all of this up using some really crazy math, you will see that it equals...

1 priceless Christmas!

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

For years I kept thinking "Well we don't have any little ones this Christmas, but next year surely we will.".  It just dawned on me that this thought no longer comes as a part of the holiday season and I can't decide whether it is a good thing or not...

I am going to say it's a good thing because it's not as though I have given up hope, I am going to take it as a sign that I am finally giving over the reigns and recognizing that we are not in control of this particular facet of our lives.  Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it:).

The weather has certainly not been an indication of the holiday season as this December has seen temps mostly in the 60s and 70s (I for one am not complaining!).  So we had to make our own holiday fun to get into the season.

Image result for charlotte theater christmas carol

I went and saw A Christmas Carol with a dear friend.  Our seats were right in front of another friend I had not seen since the spring, so it was nice catching up before and after the show with both friends!

Star Wars Galactic Heroes Landspeeder Adventure Pack by Hasbro
Our church community group adopted a special family this Christmas and we got to do some Star Wars shopping for the oldest.  I would like to thank Disney for giving my husband a Christmas present in the opening of the Force Awakens:).

Image result for elf jr the musical mics

My parents stopped in town on their way to Florida (the life of the retired is such a struggle) and we went to see my school's production of Elf Jr.-the musical which was super cute.  Then a couple nights later enjoyed the 2nd & 3rd grade holiday performance.  That's the one nice thing about working at a school--there are always kids to get you in the season.  Even though I am hoping that Elf on the Shelf is a fad that soon fades.  Based on the stories the kids tell me it seems like a lot of work!

Chocolate and Peppermint Poke Cake - the prettiest & easiest crowd pleaser of a cake!: Snickerdoodle Bread - Bread that tastes like snickerdoodle cookies!! Loaded with cinnamon chips and a cinnamon-sugar crust! Delish!!!: Meltaway cookies are perfect edible gifts for christmas and any other occasions. Very easy to make! Need very simple ingredients. No chilling is required and melting in your mouth! | giverecipe.com: A Holiday Tradition.  All it takes is 4 easy ingredients to make this Cherry Dump Cake: This easy Christmas Cookie Bars recipe is made with Holiday M&M's and Red and Green Nestle Toll House morsels. They're so fun and so festive!: The Easiest Fudge Recipe Ever! It only uses 2 ingredients, Peanut Butter and cake icing and is done in less than 5 minutes!!!: White Chocolate Popcorn - this tastes like popcorn balls but SO much easier to make. Perfect for a crowd! | Life in the Lofthouse: Christmas Crack (a dangerously addictive snack) - Making this now for our Christmas get together tomorrow.:

I hosted a dessert bar for my staff again this year.  I have found this to be the best, most calorie saving way of baking for the holidays.  This year I managed to find recipes that were both super easy and super yummy-a definite win, win!

We also went to my first hockey game.  Not exactly Christmas inspired, but the temperature inside the Colosseum and all the ice certainly made me think of Christmas!

I have also managed to watch most of my Christmas favorites (or will watch over the next few days).

We plan to drive around and look at Christmas lights Wednesday night and leave to visit our families Thursday morning which will be the perfect way to cap this Christmas season.  I think I enjoy Christmas more as an adult than I did as a kid (even though if I see the meme that holds this same sentiment but explains that it is more enjoyable because of their kids I may scream).  In an effort to ends this post with the spirit of the season I leave you with...

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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Failure on Two Fronts

So my body will occasionally plays tricks on me.  I have experienced nearly every pregnancy "sign" over the past 5 years to no avail (the internet is very dangerous that way).  I am very regular and other than the first cycle I was on Clomid I have never had a cycle last longer than 28 days.  Last winter (or it may have been the year before) I got all excited on day 28 when the coast seemed clear then right before I went to bed--boom-- dreams (as short lived and lofty as they were) shattered and my heart broke for about the bazillionth time.

Today was cycle day 30 and I was reminded for the 70th+ time or so that my body, in fact, does not seem to be able to do what it was designed to do.  I am wiser this time and began praying two days ago that I would need God to be there for me if my being pregnant was not His plan.  Thankfully, He showed up so there was no heartbreak this time.  However, there is a realization that I don't know how much longer I can go on being a "failure" on two fronts.

First we have the pregnancy front.  I have "the data" to back up the fact that I ovulate faithfully each month and that my lining is good so an embryo should stick.  However, without a $15,000 IVF procedure, we will never now for sure if my eggs suck or my uterus is able to provide anything other than an eviction notice.  We keep trying and my body keeps letting us down.

Then we have the adoption front where we have done everything we have been guided to do (with the exception of personally handing out adoption cards--I just can't seem to get there) and each monthly status update reminds me that they "have an adequate supply of profiles" and that no expectant parents wishing to pursue adoption feel we are the right choice for raising their baby.

I  know God has a plan for us and I know that His plan will be greater than anything I have imagined, but in the interim I am struggling and growing tired of being reminded on a regular basis that I am not worthy.

The question has been bounced around whether we should give another IUI a try.  Initially, my thinking was "I don't think it is going to lead to a new outcome, but what the hell, it couldn't hurt".  However, the month after month reminder of trying and failing is draining and I am beginning to wonder if, for my sanity, I need us to shut down the pregnancy front and stop actively TTC.  I don't want to be the quitter or a disappointment, but I'm not sure what else to do...