Singleton

I rarely make grandiose predictions.  I may have some hopes or even think I may see where things may land (though I do tend to hedge my bets), but rarely do I make firm pronouncement.

Ever since transfer I have been confident that I was growing two tiny babies.  When I think about it, I always picture two.  When I talk to J.T., I always refer to "them".  Even when I talk to my belly (that's not weird, right?!?) I envision myself talking to them as a team.

I was so ecstatic when tiny baby's heartbeat came echoing through the room, however I kind of held my breath until the doctor finally pronounced that it was in fact a single heartbeat and that the duo I envisioned was a strong and healthy solo act.

Now I am fully aware that there are many, many women who have walked the path we have walked and do not get the fairy tale moment of joy of life with which we have been blessed so please take what I am about to say as simply an honest expression of my feelings.  It took me a while to get to this place, but I do want to take a moment to acknowledge the sadness I felt that the second embryo did not make it.  To me s/he was life and for that life to not have taken form hurt my heart.

I am over the moon happy to be carrying tiny baby and watching him/her grow; however, I do wonder what the conversation will be like when one day s/he comes across the photo of the two embryos and asks about the other.

On a lighter note, when talking about the second, J.T. and I will sometimes reference this scene from The Office:

In a weird way it helps me to think that tiny baby has an extra boost from the brother or sister or wasn't meant to be.