Priority Readjustment

I have been so blessed over the last week that God has continued to speak to my heart even when my mind and my emotions have been such a mess.  I am even more thankful that the fog of emotions seems to be dissipating which has allowed for the my thinking to become more clear.

This morning God reminded me of living with joy in Him.  This led me to once again searching for the what joy in Him looks like.  This search led me to John Piper.  Three video segments in, John Piper's message shed light on the fact that I am still holding children as an idol in my heart.

I believe I have (for the most part) given over control of the path to parenthood to God and to J.T.  I have asked God to remove the desire for children from my heart if having children is not His will for my life.  He has not removed the desire, so I am led to believe that having children is a part of His will for me life.  That being said what I have also done to my detriment, over the last few weeks especially, is to place this desire for children above me desire for Him.

He has allowed me to see is that I have one again gotten my priorities out of whack.  Instead of putting each priority in it's proper place (1.  God , everything else comes after that). I seem to have been living under the erroneous set of priorities (1.  Having children  2. myself and my feelings  3.  God).  I have continued to pray, I have continued to read the bible, I have continued to seek God out, but in regard to what was holding my heart it was unfortunately not Him.  These disordered priorities are clear in the distressful thoughts and feelings I have been experiencing (especially over the last few days).

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please remove the idol of having children from my heart.  Please help me to place you back in your proper place as #1.  If it is your will for me to have children, please keep this desire alive but help me put it in the back seat behind You and my marriage.  In your holy and precious name I pray.

Amen