Doubt

It comes as no surprise to me that comparing is not the only root of my anxiety as we move toward Friday. And it also comes as no surprise that the light was shed by God during my quiet time this morning.  It comes as no surprise as I know that God knows every hair on my head.  I know that He loves me like His very dearest child, that He only wants good things for me, and that His plan for my life is better than I could ever imagine for myself.  Yet, knowing all of these things I still have lingering doubt, but I don't think my doubt is in HIM rather I doubt ME!

Despite the long list of things I wrote out yesterday that I can concretely SEE as positive movement toward our dream over the last 6 months, I am still plagued with doubt that I have not done what He wants me to do or that it is even possible that this is in fact may be His plan for us.  Over the last 6 years, I believe He has told us to wait and to think that the answer might now be yes seems unbelievable.  I don't disbelieve in the least that He is able, I think I have come to believe I am not worthy of such a miraculous gift:(.

Unlike my list from yesterday, there is nothing in God's truth that supports these thoughts and feelings have left me underserving of the joy these tiny babies may bring, I need God's strength to overcome this doubt.

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are so good.  Despite me standing in my own way I do TRUST in YOU.  In fact, I think I have come to a place where I can NOT TRUST ME at all.  I have laid everything at your feet, but hear the evil one whispering into my ear and by listening to his lies am doing nothing but making things MORE DIFFICULT for MYSELF.  I am in what my WEAKEST time of this whole journey and need to replace this weakness with YOUR STRENGTH.   Please HELP ME to turn a deaf ear to the lies.  Please HELP me get out of my own way and to focus solely on YOUR GOODNESS.  MORE OF YOU, LESS OF ME.

In your holy and precious name I pray.  Amen.