Final Defense

The "disaster" that was my dissertation proposal has been swirling around in my brain for the last two weeks.  I had once again done everything that the members of my committee have asked me to do, but after getting knocked on my ass the last time had no idea what they do once they were all together.  The last time it felt like they were kindly, but none the less completely, undoing the work I had put much time into constructing.  When I left the room I was still conducting qualitative research on male students diagnosed with ADHD in the reading classroom, but what I had been primarily wanting to learn ultimately got tossed out the window.   To boot, this time I would be kicked out of the room so they could deliberate in private-yikes!

Over the last 8 months I had developed a new bond with this revised research I had cultivated.  While it certainly has flaws, it is the result of probably hundreds of hours of time, thought, and effort.  Recently there have been some pictures on Instagram of PhD candidates taking "maternity" phots with their dissertation.  On many levels I could totally relate . So all I kept thinking was "What if they blew it up AGAIN?!?!".

I practiced my defense presentation for days.  I had to take my 100+ page dissertation and condense it into a cohesive 20 minute rundown.  I am lucky that my fast talking, Yankee ways are still accessible as that was the ONLY way I got it done.  I also sent out requests for prayers from friends and family, and was pretty much talking to God 24:7.   Unfortunately the committee picked an afternoon time slot, so for the first half of the day my stomach was in knots. 

On the drive over to campus I gave the whole thing over to the Lord.   I had been trying to do just for days, but I think I was finally able to take my grubby little paws off of it in the car.  This, of course, made a world of difference.  Why can't I just do this in the first place?!?!

My new found sense of peace allowed me to enter the room and give it all I had.  Fortunately all I had was enough because as I re-entered the room after their private deliberation they called me DOCTOR:).

As Isabella used to say "Did IT!".