I had heard people talking about it for a while now, but after hearing about it like three times in a week I decided it was finally time to give it a shot. While Rachel and I shared some of the same lies we tell ourselves which was insightful, what was even more insightful was digging deep and looking at the lies I tell MYself.
In her book Rachel talks about how aging causes people anxiety. This is a part of the lie she calls "I should be further ahead by now". She spoke through the lens of the anxiety coming from people not having accomplished the things they had set out to do and are worried that with each passing year the potential for accomplishment decreases.
I am an exception to her argument. I have accomplished every task I have set out to achieve: I am a college graduate who taught, served as a school principal at a school I started (more accurately helped to start), and am most of the way through earning my doctorate to embark on my second career. I am married, have a child, and two dogs. I own a home just outside of an urban area in North Carolina. I remain as close as I can to my family when I live 8 hours away. These accomplishments have come through the grace of God and my own efforts. However, at what price have they come?
Despite adequate sleep, good health, and average for 2018 stress, my memory feels comparable to swiss cheese. Additionally, despite each of the three things I just mentioned I often feel tired, have to be in bed by 9 most nights of the week, and while I often feel content, I don't often feel as joyful as I am sure God has intended for me to be. I believe my drive has served as a double edge sword-helping me to achieve my goals with the potential opportunity cost of not taking the time to fully appreciate them.
I feel like I have often displayed gratitude for all I have, but have become greedy. Once I have achieved one goal I am instantly on to the next, often working on multiple goals at one time. As I enter my 5th decade it is time to put the brakes on my consumption of goals and take the time to both enjoy God's many blessings and the fruits of my labor as well as take the drive I once put into achieving personal goals into pursuing God and my place in His story.
Clearly the first step of which is to start pumping the brakes on this semi-disastrous break neck speed dissertation I've got going on and the other ways in which I am using my time and mental energy. With any luck, maybe I can also begin to fill in the holes in my memory. That would be the icing on the cake!
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