OneWord365 2018 Review

Dang had I had more time at the beginning of 2018 I would have reached out to Netflix to see if they were interested in a series on decluttering, but it seems Marie Kondo beat me to the punch:).  Well that and the fact that my 2018 focus-streamlining-only really involved two main ideas:

1.  Get this STUFF out of my house (or make it more compact if possible)

2.  We need some routine up in here

So not must-watch TV, but it did a world of good for this family.

Some of the (boring-ain't nobody talking about sparking joy here-, but significant) highlights:

• The only baby/toddler stuff that remains is clothes Isabella has just grown out of or still wears/will wear and toys that are played with in a rotation.
• Getting rid of the desk in our bedroom made a HUGE improvement as it seemed to be a magnet for stuff.  
• Removing the knick knacks and things to keep out of Isabella's reach has made cleaning infinitely easier so they may actually be put up (and eventually shipped out) permanently.
• I have learned the things that are worth selling (larger baby equipment, toys in lots, and name brand baby clothes again in lots sell -if you price them pretty darn cheap) and the things that will not sell and should just be given away.   
• I have learned posting things I want to give away on our neighborhood Facebook page is hands down the easiest way ever to get rid of things.  People will actually come to my house to get them-love it!
• I have donated clothing that was still in good condition and I could still wear, but had been wearing for years and years.  They had lived a good life and needed to go live a good life somewhere else.  I'm not one of those die-hards that has narrowed it down to 33 pieces or anything but all my clothes now fit in the closest to I have saved myself hours each spring and fall from having to "change out" the seasonal pieces.  
• I have brought the art of routine I had once reserved for my school life home.  We now have flexible routines for daily life and "field trips".  I also have routines for morning, afternoon, evening, and weekly cleaning that has made life so much easier.  It's amazing how running the dishwasher and doing a load of laundry everyday actually makes things run more smoothly. 

Ultimately I have learned less really is more.  It leaves room for more time, more energy, more peace, and more joy.

2018 Reading List

Once upon a time I could read multiple books in a month.  No, I am not including the picture books I read to my class as a teacher:).  I'm talking multiple, full length novels.  If it was really good I could finish it in a couple of days.  Those days are long gone, but interestingly have been replaced with reading of the nonfiction variety. 

In 2017 I think with exception of Wonder Weeks, What to Except the First Year, and some books on how to get babies to sleep every book I read was for class.   This year there was (slightly) more breathing room so while I still mostly read books for school I also added some others almost exclusively related to parenting and child care, but I am focusing on the positive of returning to a form of normalcy and for me normal is reading! 

What has changed is the manner in which I read books.  J.T. had given me an e-reader year ago so I gave up hard copies of books a long tim ago.  That Nook is ready to retire, so I got a Kindle.  Similar to a laptop, the Kindle draws the little ones like moths to a flame.  So you wanna know how I've been able to get so much reading done?  My phone.

I have looong since taught them that my phone is mine and is not something they can play with.  In fact when they do see it laying around they bring it to me:).  So I have learned to read textbooks, articles, and other books on my 6 inch screen.  Game. Changer.

Some of the best books I read this year were:

Toddler "Discipline" (a.k.a how to not lose your mind when they are losing theirs!)

    

General Parenting

 

The ONE Fiction Book I Read and Thought Was Worth Recommending to EVERYONE

Not Your Grandmother's Christmas Prep-2018

I love traditions and I grew up in a family that was full of them.  As I've adapted them for my family there have definitely been some revisions in the name of time and convenience.  Particularly given the fact my child is one and will not remember any of these first Christmases.  Fingers crossed as she gets older I will stop phoning some of this stuff in:

Tradition #1:  Gift Giving
Once upon a time we bundled up and hit the stores looking for that perfect gift.
Now?  100% of gifts were purchased online and delivered to our house.  Now that's Santa:).

Tradition #2:  Sending Christmas Cards
Once upon a time my mom would sit painstakingly handwriting updates and lovely messages to family and friends. 
Now?  Picture card from Snapfish complete with return addresses already printed on the envelope.

Tradition #3:  Christmas Tree
Once upon a time a family outing to the Christmas tree farm followed up by a trip to the Dairy Queen.
Now?  A four foot artificial Christmas tree placed on a counter so toddlers do not reek havoc upon it.

Tradition #4:  Baking
Once upon a time planning yummy homemade cookies, bars, and cakes for us and to share with others.  Lots of time (and dirty dishes!).
Now?  Those pre-made cookie dough squares.  Pan, bake, done!

Tradition #5:  Christmas Eve Church Service
Once upon a time getting dressed up and attending service on Christmas Eve.
Now?  Fortunately this one we got almost right since it is the most important:).  Last year we watched online.  This year our church had six services two of which they held on the 23rd.  Since we are going to J.T.'s mom's on Christmas eve we attended one of these.  Isabella wore a Christmas dress but J.T. and I wore jeans:).

Playroom Makeover

The carpet in the playroom was disgusting.

There is no other way to describe it.

Between two dogs and a host of kids I suppose it never really stood a chance.  I have been diligent about cleaning stains as the occur and having it professionally cleaned every few months to no avail.  In fact the last time the carpet cleaning man came he explained that it was kind of a losing battle given the fact many of the stains were in the padding of the carpet and would continue to raise to the surface.  Yep, true story as less than three weeks after said cleaning it looked exactly the same as before he came:(.

We had always talked about changing the flooring in that room to hard woods and that time had finally arrived. 

I also keep shoes on the kids (and myself) at all times which makes life easier in many ways but has also made the couch a dirty mess.  It was also professionally cleaned and was again covered in dirt.  That was an easier fix as out of the blue I decided to get a slip cover for it.  Now why I didn't think of getting a slip cover to begin with I couldn't begin to the tell you, but I finally did and it made a big difference.

They just finished the floors and I am no longer embarrassed when people come into the room.   It turned out great.  I have huge area rug to put down and am excited to get that down once the glue dries.

It is amazing the transformation mentally spending time in a space that drains you (effort trying to clean what is a losing battle, feelings of embarrassment daily when people come in the room, etc) to a space that holds none of those feelings.  Especially given the amount of time spent in said space.

Worth.Every.Penny.

Chatty Cathy

After almost 6 months of speech and a host of strategies, Isabella's vocabulary is really beginning to explode!

There is little rhyme or reason to the sounds within the words, but some of them can definitely be put in categories:

Actions:  Goal (imitating soccer goal), go-go-go (almost always said in threes), stop, jump, down, kick, catch, stuck

People centered words:  Mama, Da (apparently she's Irish), Hi, Please, eye teeth, yes, no, night-night

Random:  Chalk, cheese, woo-woo (train sound effect), ice, tea (when we play with her tea set), juice, cow, moo, stick, cold, clouds, hot

She has also increased her random imitation of words which is huge progress.

When the speech teacher asked what I thought made the difference the only thing I could come up with was I had finally bought a book that I had my eye on since June:

It was $60 so I held off, but finally broke down a few weeks ago when I felt like we weren't making much progress on the talking front.  I read it, underlined some things, bought a few props the book suggested, did one or two activities and boom the girl started talking up a storm!

Now I don't believe the book was magic.  No I rather believe, in much the same way I think Isabella secretly Googles sleep regressions so she doesn't miss one, that she got a hold of the book herself and read it.  Much more believable:).  

In all honesty I have no idea what caused the switch to click on, I'm just super glad it did!

I Can See Clearly Now

Literally.

In the state of NC you can only get contact lenses with a valid prescription.  The prescription is only good for one year.   So even if you can see perfectly fine and have no issues, you either must be on the ball and order another full years supply before it expires or you have to schlep yourself to the eye doctor for an appointment updated prescription.    Ordering from 1-800 contacts or the like doesn't work either (I'm no rookie to the contact lens racket they've got going on here).

My prescription expired in May of 2017.  Back when I was lucky to get two hours of sleep strung together so thinking ahead to order and trying to keep a tiny baby alive.  So no being on the ball planning ahead on my part.  As a result I schlepped myself and my two month old baby to the eye doctor in June of 2017.

At the time things didn't seem weird, BUT after visiting the eye doctor today I see things differently.

This was a new eye doctor to me as he had told me the doctor I had been seeing no longer worked there.  ONLY he did and still does.

This new eye doctor told me he had no access to my previous records.  ONLY he did but for some unknown reason chose not to.

This new doctor prescribed me with lenses that were a 2.0 and 2.5.  ONLY I wear a 3.0 and 3.5.

It took me a year and half to figure out that third tidbit of information.  So for 18 months I have been walking around with sight that was only working at about 66% capacity. 

Yeah, I knew i was having trouble seeing things but I just attributed that to aging.  Turns out I could have saved myself some grief had new eye doctor not entered the picture.  Or I had been thinking straight.  Or had time to think at all!

Fortunately times they are a-changing and I will be able to now see them clearly!

Screen Time Shame

No screen time until age 2 they said. 

Sounded simple enough. 

LOL for days.

Screen time began up in here over a year ago with my buddy H--the baby that wouldn't nap.  The kiddo that only last two weeks before deciding a better setting would be best.  Well somewhere in that two weeks I discovered (I honestly don't remember how now, maybe his mom suggested it?) that cartoons would keep him from melting down when he was super tired but wouldn't sleep. 

The educator and researcher in me judged harshly.  The new mother, full time student and new child care provider to three infants said "yep, sounds good!". 

So Mother Goose Club entered our world.   I rationalized that songs were good for babies.  Nursery rhymes are good for language development.  So what if brightly colored costumes and cartoons are the source of delivery?!?    H left, but then the three year old joined our midst a few mornings a week and he was an ardent fan of this cartoon Masha and the Bear so we gave that a go.

Isabella and A paid virtually no attention to the TV until one day last winter they did.  Not a lot at first, but there was this show Word Party that in particular grabbed Isabella's attention and what can I say?  If I needed to shower...make dinner...have 13 minutes of a mental break...enter Word Party.

One of the babysitters in the spring introduced Isabella to Bubble Guppies during one of the hour long crying fits after I would leave for class and it was raining so a walk was a no go.  The girl has been hooked ever since, and her partner in crime has since become a junkie too.

So far neither of them request TV, BUT I suspect that will come as their language skills improve.  So for now it provides me the opportunity to shower, clean up after lunch, transition after naps, get dinner ready, and clean up after dinner.  When the weather is nice I can trade some of these in to playing on the screened in porch time, but now that winter is coming I see that becoming more difficult.  Each of these opportunities affords me 23 minutes of getting stuff done without whining, fussing, clinging or having to referee toddle disputes. 

If only I could get my conscious on board as the educator/researcher continues to judge and gives me the side eye every. dang. time.

An academic mom Facebook group I'm on were discussing a new book that provided contemporary research on screen time, so I thought I'd give it a shot.  Desperate to assuage my teacher-mommy guilt...

It was good and provided perspective that screens are not, in fact, the devil incarnate.  But, alas, it still gave a hard no to kids under two and tv.  The good news is we are well below the average screen time for preschoolers.  The bad news is they're not supposed to be watching it at all sooooo....

Real Life Mom:  1
Teacher mom:  0

Sensory Diet

Isabella had her 18 month appointment today.  She continues to be a healthy and thriving kiddo.  She is 90th percentile for height and 80th for weight so the girl continues to hold her own with her 99th percentile counterpart Aj:).  It has become more interesting keeping her busy while we wait for the doctor.  Got an idea from pinterest to give her stickers to put on the paper they have on the examination table and it killed 5-10 minutes so we will count it as a win.

Got a clean bill of health though the poor kid has come to understand shots and understandably had a meltdown when the nurse came in, but alls well that ends well.

I went in with two questions and came out with no real answers, so that part was less great.  I asked for additional tips for separation anxiety and was told it sounded like we were doing the right things, don't add new experiences for me to go just to get her used to it, and time will help.  Cool.  I will tell the babysitters who have to listen to her cry when we do have things to do and can't bring her.  I'm sure they will be thrilled.

The other questions has to do with her "swimming".  It's this weird thing she does where she lays on her tummy, usually on a hard surface, and rubs her elbows into her sides like she's doing some kind of slow frog kick thing.  We've been in communication with the doctor about it since July and continue to not know the cause.  The doctor explained that the absence of other symptoms pretty much rules out a gastrointestinal issue.  Her thoughts were it may be sensory and to give a weighted blanket a shot.

Sensory?  Well that for sure sounds like my sensory seeking kid, so we will give that a shot.  In fact after I did some more reading decided to implement a sensory diet.  This essentially amounts to a few activities in the morning and late afternoon/evening to give her sensory outlets.  In her case after doing an informal assessment I found from an OT online she is partial to proprioception (perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body) and vestibular (movement-go, go go!). 

So for the morning I am going to try rocking (chair or horse) and trampoline.  For afternoon/evening slide and swing (thank goodness the neighborhood playground is right across the street!).  These seemed the most appropriate and manageable from the list I found.  Hoping it helps!

Thanksgiving Part 3

We are not the only family I know that participates in multiple Thanksgiving dinners, but I am so glad ours are spread out over the course of the month instead of trying to fit them all into the same day!

Today, we traveled about 1.5 hours to J.T.'s step-grandmother's (Mema) house for our third and final Thanksgiving meal.

Isabella was sweet and pleasant when we got there before her nap.  We ate the meal during her nap (yeah-one I could enjoy!).  When she got UP from her nap it was like she was a different kid.  She was one big fussy butt.  Mema has a huge back yard and it was sunny and warm enough to go outside so we spent some time playing with rocks and keeping Isabella from falling into the creek which she loved.  By about three we were worn out from keeping Isabella busy so we packed up and headed home.   Alls well that ends well- I suppose!

"Happy Thanksgiving!"  For realz this time!

Baptism

Until I met J.T. I had no idea that baptism was not something for babies.  I mean I guess if I gave it some thought I would have contended that as teenagers and adults came to embrace Christianity they would be baptized at a later time, but I always thought that if a baby was born into a Christian family he or she was baptized as an infant.  Enter my education on the Southern Baptist faith and the concept of being saved.

Now I had a friend in college who was Southern Baptist and it was either something we didn't discuss OR something I just failed to file away in my memory bank.  However, as J.T. and I discussed our future children (waaay back when) I discovered that when it came to baptism we saw things differently.  I wanted our child to be baptized as an infant and he wanted the child to choose for him/herself when this would take place like he did.

Fast forward to the actual birth of our child and the baptism conversation sat on a shelf--for quite awhile.  It wasn't until this past June that I felt convicted to officially join our church and have Isabella baptized (the second being contingent upon the first at our church).  I hoped J.T. would join with me and was thankful that he did.  We went through our church's membership classes and at the end baptism often comes up.  So here we were once again discussing the situation for which there is not a really good compromise (particularly once we found out our church believes baptism only takes place once in a person's life). 

However, after talking with one of the associate pastors we landed on baptizing Isabella now and then when she was older and fully understood accepting the Lord as her savior we would do a dedication ceremony which our church offers in these circumstances.

I also learned the reason people have their children baptized as infants and not toddlers:).  Isabella was as good as any 19 month old could be on a stage standing in front of a bunch of people "patiently" waiting her turn, but I was worn out by the time we were done from keeping her occupied.  That said, at the end of the day, the mission was successfully accomplished!

Thanksgivings Part 1 and 2

So much for which to be THANKFUL!  We traveled north to do my family's early-in-the-month Thanksgiving in the mountains.  J.T. couldn't go since he just started a new job and traveling after he got off work with a one year old was not wise.  My brother drove up with us and we had a successful trip (cold and rainy but successful in that we made it without incident!).

It was soooo cold up there and we even managed to see a dusting of snow.  It was tricky keeping Isabella quiet until a reasonable hour.  She goes to sleep and stays asleep just fine when we travel (thank you walk in closets!), but for some reason wakes up early.  We ventured out to McDonalds (I was hoping they had a play area, but no such luck) and watched Bubble Guppies to pass the time. 

This was the first year my nephew missed the trip.  He is a college freshman in ROTC so he could not get away.  Other than he and J.T. all other family members were present and accounted for.  We had a nice visit and I am always so impressed with how sweet my cousins kids are with Isabella.  They are all a lot older (14, 13, 10 and 8), but they make a point to play and talk to her which is so cute. 

Lots of games, good food, wine and laughs before we got back in the car on Sunday to head home. 

The only down side was my child's continued insistence in "stranger danger".  Getting a shower, eating a meal, etc. were all a bit trickier seeing as Daddy wasn't there and my kid doesn't seem to trust that anyone else is capable of taking care of her (insert eye roll), but we survived.  Here's a pic of Isabella and I eating Thanksgiving dinner. 

She was finished and I was not so there we sat.  She did eventually let my cousin play with her as she wandered about so that was helpful.  She also let my sister-in-law play with her some when I showered, but if she dared remembered that these women were not Mama she immediately panicked.  What is with this kid?!?!

When we got back on Sunday we were home for about an hour before we hopped back in the car for our second Thanksgiving dinner of the season.  Our church community group hosts Thanksgiving dinner each year and this happened to be the night.  I'm not one for turkey but my aunt always makes ham AND the hosting couple of community group makes fried turkey which is realllly good.  So between that side dishes and wine I will be lucky if I can button my pants tomorrow!

"Happy (early) Thanksgiving!"

I Never Asked to be my Child's Blankie

When she was tiny I tried every pacifier under the sun without luck.

I have attempted every lovey I could find.

I have tried stuffed animals.

I have tried baby dolls.

I have tried blankets.

While she loves each of these items to varying degrees and enjoys taking one or two to sleep with.  There has only been one thing that has proven time and time again to make my child feel secure.

Me.

On the one hand this is great.  It is awesome that my presence brings such security to my amazing little girl.  The problem is that my absence seems to bring the polar opposite.  She.is.a.mess.

She has had babysitters since she was 3 months old.   I have been taking classes since she was four months old which has resulted in babysitters and her daddy being the one home with her several times a week for over a year now.   Our parents have watched her for date nights and medical appointments.   It's not as though I have set up this world where only mommy will do.  However, somehow that has been and continues to be Isabella's motto for all of 2018:(.

I feel like I have tried EVERYTHING.  Making sure she knows I'm leaving.  Making sure she knows what's happening in advance (but not too far in advance).  Having distractions on hand.  Having familiar favorites on hand.  Consistent people babysitting.  Having a goodbye routine.  Giving her indicators of when I will be back in language she understands.  Giving her opportunities to spend time with adults who aren't me.  Social stories that explain what is going to happen.  Songs and stories about grown ups leaving and coming back.  NOTHING WORKS!

Interestingly while something like 25% of children suffer from separation anxiety, there is only ONE book written on the topic:

Fingers crossed there is a silver bullet in here somewhere!!!    

Lordy, Lordy Look Who's 40!

The local paper growing up would have section where people could acknowledge important/milestone birthdays.  A popular catch phrase was always "Lordy, Lordy Look Who's 40!".  When I would skim this section way back when I always had it in the back of my mind that these people were "old", that 40 was just one stop away from being a senior citizen, and that the bulk of their lives were behind them.  Not surprisingly age (and math) help me to understand that each of these things is far from true. 

Instead I am a firm believer that 40 is the new 30.  Who else but a newly minted 30-something would be raising a young toddler, be working toward a degree, and looking to embark on a new career:)?  So while enter this new decade I truly only see myself as one year oldER, rather than old.

At the beginning of the month, J.T. had told me to not making any plans for my birthday.  I was curious what he had planned.  In the weeks leading up to my birthday I went back and further wondering if he was throwing me a surprise party or not.  This mental back and forth went down to the wire finally landing on not when we rolled into our driveway and there were no cars in sight.  So i truly was surprised to walk into our house where I found family and friends calling out "Surprise!".

So sweet and such fun:).  He had worked with our friend Amy who does an amazing job with event planning and everything turned out so nice!  Well done, J.T. (and Amy!), well done!

Broadening Horizons-Toddler Edition

When I envisioned being a stay at home mom watching other kids in a kind of home "preschool" setting was always a part of the vision.  However, in reality that's not quite the work I was cut out to do.   Should have been clued in when I could only handle teaching kindergarten for a half day, but I still thought it would somehow magically be a good fit.  Ha, ha...the last year has taught me that toddlers are VERY different from one another and I can only "differentiate instruction" for a couple at at time:).   That said, I feel like the current scenario has been great.  Isabella plus two other toddlers close in age allows for us to do some structured activities and keep her entertained during free play.

Last month I got a a car seat for AJ for our car.  That way it would be super easy to do field trips on the days I just had two kids (or maybe attempt to run an errand or two here and there).  We have done some story hours and gone to a place called the Playhouse which is basically like a play room with toys, kids and other moms which allows all of us to get out.  Through our adventures I have to learn three things:  1.  My child really likes to be on the go  2.  Both kids enjoy playing in different settings  3. My Monday through Friday child gets upset more easily in larger groups and could probably use some more exposure to bigger groups of kids more frequently

AJ is away for a long weekend so I used one of my Iz and me only days to check out a kids gym called Romp N Roll.  LOVED it!  We had tried a place in the spring but it seemed overprice, too structured and not very big.  This place was huge, offered art and music on top of gym and while they offer structured activities here and there fully understand that kids will come and go as they please at this age.  Unfortunately the place I don't like is right around the corner and they one I do like is a 25 minute drive from us.  But it's a trade off I am willing to take.  The owner even said she would give us the sibling rate once I explained the situation with AJ so I just needed to get his parents on board which turned out not to be a problem at all.

I also used this opportunity to let them know what I was thinking about preschool for next year.  I think that it's important for Iz (and AJ) to start acclimating to bigger groups of kids and working with adults who aren't their parents.  I would love for them to go two (maybe three) mornings a week.  This would also allow me the opportunity to possibly do some online instruction or adjunct teaching (fingers crossed I will be finished by then!).  Again, his parents were totally on board.

Now begins the fun part...figuring out the right fit for Iz and AJ. 

Slowing Down

You may have heard of Rachel Hollis' book Girl Wash Your Face 

I had heard people talking about it for a while now, but after hearing about it like three times in a week I decided it was finally time to give it a shot.  While Rachel and I shared some of the same lies we tell ourselves which was insightful, what was even more insightful was digging deep and looking at the lies I tell MYself. 

In her book Rachel talks about how aging causes people anxiety.  This is a part of the lie she calls "I should be further ahead by now".  She spoke through the lens of the anxiety coming from people not having accomplished the things they had set out to do and are worried that with each passing year the potential for accomplishment decreases. 

I am an exception to her argument.  I have accomplished every task I have set out to achieve:  I am a college graduate who taught, served as a school principal at a school I started (more accurately helped to start), and am most of the way through earning my doctorate to embark on my second career.  I am married, have a child, and two dogs.  I own a home just outside of an urban area in North Carolina.  I remain as close as I can to my family when I live 8 hours away.  These accomplishments have come through the grace of God and my own efforts.  However, at what price have they come?

Despite adequate sleep, good health, and average for 2018 stress, my memory feels comparable to swiss cheese.   Additionally, despite each of the three things I just mentioned I often feel tired, have to be in bed by 9 most nights of the week, and while I often feel content, I don't often feel as joyful as I am sure God has intended for me to be.  I believe my drive has served as a double edge sword-helping me to achieve my goals with the potential opportunity cost of not taking the time to fully appreciate them.

I feel like I have often displayed gratitude for all I have, but have become greedy.  Once I have achieved one goal I am instantly on to the next, often working on multiple goals at one time.  As I enter my 5th decade it is time to put the brakes on my consumption of goals and take the time to both enjoy God's many blessings and the fruits of my labor as well as take the drive I once put into achieving personal goals into pursuing God and my place in His story. 

Clearly the first step of which is to start pumping the brakes on this semi-disastrous break neck speed dissertation I've got going on and the other ways in which I am using my time and mental energy.  With any luck, maybe I can also begin to fill in the holes in my memory.  That would be the icing on the cake!   

It's the Great Pumpkin, Isabella!

In my last few years as a principal I became familiar with the term "heavy lifting".  It was an important strategy to implement for super busy children (particularly those of the ADHD variety).  Now being the mom of a SUPER busy kiddo, heavy lifting is a very integral part of our daily life:).

In vaguely related news, we finally made it to the pumpkin patch today.  I say finally because ya know what they say about the best laid plans right?  ::insert massive eye roll::

I did some research trying to pinpoint the best local pumpkin patch for Lil' Miss Constant Motion and found one 30 minutes away with a playground-score!  I was pretty sure pumpkins would hold her attention for all of 0.5 seconds and hay rides for not much longer than that so was happy I found a place where we could get a pumpkin, get a few pics, and entertain her in one fail swoop...well that was the plan anyway...

Couple of hours and two major glitches later this plan was toast:(.

We always take both dogs to the groomer at the same time.  We nearly always have them back about four hours after dropping them off.  These tidbits were important to the success of today's plan.  Today was of course the exception to that rule. 

The game plan was to leave for the pumpkin patch by 2:30.  Isabella had been waking up like clockwork from her nap at 2.  That gave her 30 minutes to wake up, snack up, and Bubble Guppy up before we took off.   That also allowed for us to return by 5:00 to pick up the dogs who I had dropped off at the groomer at 1.

Wouldn't you know sleeping beauty chose today to break through her 2:00 wake up time?  2:00 gave way to 2:30.  2:30 became 3.  As the minutes starting creeping past 3 which led to the need to revisit the game plan.  I could have woken her up, I guess.  However, I am a firm believer in that as long as they haven't been sleeping more than 3-4 hours you don't wake sleeping babies unless the house is on fire.  There was no smoke so I wasn't touching that option with a 10 foot pole. 

I was irrationally freaking out a bit when PetSmart called.  "Perfect, " I thought, "We can go and get the dogs now and then don't have to worry about being back by 5 so we were still in good shape-yay."  That fleeting thought lasted all of five seconds when the super chipper voice on the other end of the line explained she was just calling to get my email address as she had dressed the dogs up in costumes and wanted to send me the picture-smh!  She sounded more than a bit surprised when I politely (I hope!) declined and asked when the dogs would be ready.  She explained that she needed a little more time, but that they would definitely be ready between 4-4:30 which meant we still had to be done pumpkin-ing and be back to get the dogs before 5 when they closed. 

Cue more irrational frustration for yours truly.   

A new google search showed there was a small pumpkin patch a little ways up the road from us so that became plan B when Isabella finally graced us with her presence at 3:30.  We wound up not getting a pumpkin for ourselves as the smallest one was at least 20 pounds and the parking lot was about a half mile away.  We also traded a playground for Isabella attempting to lift said 20+ pound pumpkins. 

And my hunch about the hayride not being a slam dunk was confirmed but was made bearable with a snack cup of Goldfish and an appearance by some well timed neighbor dogs.    As you can tell by this picture "bearable" was the key word!

But we did get some cute pics:)

Not a home run, but at least our annual pumpkin patch tradition continues on!

My Poor Baby (Please send wine!)

Apparently Isabella's teeth are firm believers in the buddy system-they only come in groups!  At the rate we were going (stuck at 8 since like March) I assumed as her peers were getting visits from the tooth fairy, Isabella would still be waiting on a full set.  Over the last couple of weeks we have had between four and six teeth entering the scene (including two upper molars). 

If knowing how many teeth your kid has is part of the criteria for mother of the year then I'm out.  Her mouth is tiny, she doesn't like to open it and even when we do the turn her upside down trick I STILL can't seem to get a good look.  However, I know for sure that two bottom teeth are almost fully in place and I saw at least one corner of those gigantic molars on each side.  I also feel like I see something near the front of the top, but don't know for sure.  Combined with occasional bouts of extreme fussiness without other cause I feel like I can say with great certainty she is teething.  The request for wine are what I am sure are doctor's orders;).

Bartering in 2018

I love to see when my friends post professional pictures.  Be it wedding, baby, family.  I enjoy looking at the glimpses the photographer is able to capture that most of us miss.  Well-full disclosure-there are some often used newborn poses that creep me out, but I assume I am alone on this front so will blow right past those.  Beyond that I love the smiles, laughter and lighting a professional photoshoot provides.   All of that said, I am unfortunately cheap.  Cheap + the cost of professional pictures=a drought of professional photos in our lives.

The only time I have regretted this was for our wedding.  We paid for the bulk of our wedding ourselves and there were many, many things I wanted to lay out $2K for before paying a professional photographer.  So a friend took photos. Unfortunately the friend's camera had a chip in the lens of which she was not aware.  As a result all of the photos she took has this blurry dot:(.  The good news is that even in 2010 there were lots of good shots taken by several guests using cameras and fancy phones so after the initial disappointment wore off we were able to assemble a nice wedding album at no cost.

The only time we have had professional photos taken was for our adoption photo book.  It was a requirement from the wonderful people at Lifetime.  I was able to find a photographer who was willing to do a minishoot at a discount so we had professional photos taken on our fifth wedding anniversary.  There was one we really liked.  The rest? Eh.  The photographer had a great portfolio, so I can only assume we the subjects were the problem.

When Isabella came on the horizon we used our camera (a nice Christmas gift from J.T.'s mom a few years ago) for baby announcement photos and maternity shots.  Got some good ones.  Then when Isabella was born we used the camera again for her newborn pictures.  The good news?  We got some good ones of her.  The not so great news?  The only "good" photo of the three of us is right after delivery catching a glimpse of the top of my head.  To be fair it was months before a "good photo" of me was taken so that may have all been for the best!

My sister-in-law has served as a good reminder to make sure we take regular family photos so we have a good one from 5 months and 11 months.  However, none catch that special family look the professionals get.

What does any of this have to do with bartering you ask.  Well let me tell you. 

A neighbor I have never met recently lost her 102 year old grandfather and the family wished to to do a photo slideshow at his celebration of life ceremony later this month.  She did an all call for help.  I enjoy putting these things together so I volunteered.  I hadn't considered charging until she made me an offer.  Turns out she is a professional photographer and offered to do a photoshoot in exchange for the slideshow.  It was a done deal.  This is what bartering of services looks like in 2018.  I like it. 

This Was a Drill...It was Only a Drill

J.T. has accepted the new job.  Even when the new job is something you want and by all appearances seems very promising, change is never easy and brings with it a unique kind of stress.   The reality of such must of hit home because as our baby items were being purchased at the yard sale I circled back to some of his recent comments in that department  While I don't remember his exact words the message was clear.   He is still processing our family of three himself, but ultimately our triangle family status is exactly as it should be.

Community Yard Sale

Last semester during one of my parents visits we put all of the larger baby toys and equipment that was no longer needed for Isabella in a storage space above the garage.  It's a very large space, but a HUGE pain to get to.  As a result I was only planning on lugging it all back down when we needed it again for the baby I was sure was awaiting us in the near future.  As we all would come to find out there was no such baby, so when they began to advertise for our community yard sale I knew it was time to bring that stuff down and make room for whatever opportunities await us in the future.

While I have truly made peace with Isabella as our one and only, I can't say there wasn't a tear or two as we brought down each of the items I had painstakingly covered and protected so Isabella's younger brother or sister wouldn't be shortchanged as they used her "hand-me-downs". 

These items had been preserved with such hope.  Hope that has become acceptance of what is.  Acceptance that is still awaiting the light of joy that I know will come.  It's coming. I know it is.  But for now I wait.

I Never Did Like Math

The One and Done:  Not by Choice group was really starting to weigh on me, but I still felt like I needed a similar community with whom to relate.  That led to my joining a new One and Done group that was a mix of those who were there as the result of both choice and circumstance.   Someone posted a question what led to people becoming a one and done family.  Here was my response:

Hadn't thought of it that way before I typed that response.  But numbers (and possibly little things you know like God's plan for our lives) are ultimately what has led to our status as a triangle family.

Time.  Money.  Statistics.  These are the primary barriers to us not being like many other couples I know that begin to discuss the possibility of another when their child starts inching their way to that second birth day.  I had made my peace with our family of three.  Turns out someone else maybe has not.

About a month ago I had mentioned that a teacher I used to work with and who had also struggled to start a family had just taken on their first foster care placement-a six month old.  Later this led to a discussion about what fostering might look like for us.  I had looked at foster to adopt before we signed on with Lifetime and had been living under the information I found then.  At that time my research had led me to believe that there were virtually no paths for foster to adopt in our state.  Reunification was paramount.   That shut down further conversation because we would only be interested in a foster to adopt scenario.

Fast forward to our trip this past weekend.  I don't remember exactly how it came up, but mention was made that due to a raise at work and a job offer on the horizon that was quite promising that another attempt at IVF with donor eggs might be feasible.  Caught off guard I was quick to explain that our 50/50 shot was asleep in the next room (ok, the closet in the next room) and that I wasn't willing to go through it again with those statistics.  That is where the discussion ended.  The discussion, but not my brain.

What is going on here?  What happened to my staunch supporter of the only child?  Has he had a change of heart? 

Clearly these are questions I need to be asking HIM; however, more than a little bit of me is fearful for hope to once again bubble to the surface.  I am finally at PEACE with our one and only.  Why, NOW?

Well, why not now?  

I am chosen

Not forsaken

I am who You say I am

You are for me

Not against me

I am who You say I am

I am who You say I am

Lord Lead.  I will follow.  I think I am finally getting the hang of how it is done.

Oh and if you are not familiar with those lyrics check this out:

Family Get Away

For the first time in our family's short history we took a trip just the three of us.  We took a weekend trip to the mountains and it was pretty close to perfect.  Well as perfect as any trip can be with a temperamental toddler:).

Due to said toddler's sleep schedule we wanted a place that would allow us big people to not be on lockdown while her highness was getting her beauty rest.  I first looked into suites as we were looking to do a Saturday to Sunday but soon found out that Airbnb was answer that made more sense financially.  Since they require a two night minimum stay we left Friday night around bedtime.

Isabella fell asleep shortly after leaving and slept for the duration of the trip.  Upon arrival, it was a pleasant surprise to find that the bedroom had a walk in closet.  I love putting Isabella in a walk in closet when take trips.  Is that bad?  It is less of a visual distraction if she wakes up so she is less disturbed about being somewhere else.  It insulates sound so we don't have to worry as much about waking her up.  A little bit of light doesn't startle her awake in the shared space.  The list goes on...

She went back to sleep in her closet immediately.  Saturday was mostly toddler-centric (gym class, playground, nature reserve, and indoor play spot-the first and last we do not have anything like it locally that I have seen!) but we did a brewery for lunch and dinner for the grown ups.  Sunday we got rained out for the apple orchard I was hoping we could visit, but all in all it was a great trip!

Feel Your Feelings

I feel like we have covered ad nauesum my inability to process feelings in a manner that would be considered average, but haven't dived to deeply into why this may be the case.

As my mom likes to say I am my father's daughter.  My father was raised in a home with two parents who loved and took care of him and his siblings but for whom displays of emotions simply did not happen.  In the 26 years I knew my paternal grandparents I saw never a trace of sadness nor anger.  There were some laughs and smiles on occasion (mostly from my grandfather), but the epitome of their emotional IQ can be summarized in the moment when my little sister attempted to give my grandmother a hug and received a gentle, but firm "We don't do hug." in response.  Never once for a second have I ever questioned the love or care that my dad or his parents have/had for me, it just wasn't something that was really ever expressed.  Though my dad made a concerted effort to become more of a hugger and says I love you during good byes after my brother passed away.

My mom is the more emotional parent, and from her parents I saw more displays of a range of emotions.  Though that said, my mom does not like it when other people are upset.  Be it with her or in general she is very sensitive and sympathetic and struggles when others are unhappy.  As a result she puts a lot of effort into making those around her feel better.  This is a very commendable and much appreciated trait, but for someone who already innately struggled to express emotions it seemed easier to keep them buried then to drag someone else into the muck of my feelings.

So while I feel much of my inability to express feelings is genetic (if that is possible), there were also dynamics at play that made expressing them even more difficult.  I suspect there were times during my teenage years that my mom in particular might contradict this account though from what I remember I was much more of a sulker and martyr than a rebel or yeller:).  But the bottom line is emotional reactions don't seem to be in natural wheelhouse.

As I have been working through the spectrum of emotions that as a toddler Isabella displays each and every day, I have come to one important conclusion.  I need to let this child feel her feelings.  If she is upset I have to give her a chance to "let it out".  I need to do my best not to swoop in to distract or try to make things better.  I need to help her learn to name her feelings, ensure she does not act in a manner that is unsafe or disrespectful to others when feeling those feelings, and give her space to work through them.  It has been both liberating and terrifying to come to this conclusion.  I have almost an aversion to fussing, crying, and other related emotional responses, and usually have trouble knowing the right thing to do or say.  Maybe letting Isabella feel those feelings will teach me a thing or two as well.

The Aftermath

Hurricane Florence has come and gone.  It rained...and it rained...and it rained some more.  However, there were only a few pockets of heavy downpours in our neck of the woods.  We were lucky. 

As Isabella and I went for a run this morning and I surveyed the "damage" in our area.  What I saw appeared to be the result of any weekend long bout of rain.  There were lots of fallen leaves, limbs, and puddles.  But for the most part our neighborhood looks much the same as it did before. 

Of course that is not true for all NC residents.  Wilmington has become an island for the time being.  Flooding is still an issue in various areas around the state.  The death toll (though minor compared to what it could have been) continues to slowly creep upwards.  Lives have been changed.  Even if I don't see it--I know. 

As we were in the final stretch on the way home, the sun started peeking out behind the clouds.  A new day was dawning.  Things had changed, but we would continue to move forward much as we had before.

The same could be said for the aftermath of my family "bombshell".  The weekend continued with little mention of this new-to-some-of-us revelation.  We enjoyed games, food and laughter and things continued forward much as they had before.

The bottom line is this:  Decisions were made using the information at hand and using what was felt to be sound judgement in the best interest of those involved.  What's done is done.  It cannot be undone.  There is nothing that can be changed no matter how many times I swirl it around my brain. 

So with God's help I let it go and, while the things I know to be true have changed, I will continue to move forward much as I had before.

Hurricane Florence and Family Secrets

Leave it to my parents to be some of the only people headed to the Carolinas right now.  As Hurricane Florence whips around in the Atlantic moving at turtle's speed, they came down for a weekend as had been planned for weeks.

They came a day early to avoid the impending storm.  They came with the items left behind by Isabella and I during our August visit.   They also down ready to share a family secret that had been hidden for a very long time.

Parentage has become an interesting concept to me.  This is especially true now that I have successfully given birth to an amazing, living child yet have no biological children.  Despite reading the blogs of other women in my position who seem to magically forget this fact, I don't.  It doesn't diminish the love I have for my beautiful daughter nor does it change the fact that she is exactly who God designed to complete our family.  It is just something I don't forget.   

Well as it turns out Isabella is not the only member of my family tree to whom there is not a genetic link.

There is another member of my family tree whom I grew up thinking I was biologically related only to find out after my nearly four decades this was, in fact, not the case.

This family member was born to a mother and a father who were married to one another.  At the time of his birth only the mother was aware that the father who was present, the father whose name was entered onto the birth certificate may not be the biological father of this family member.  For reasons that may seem obvious but are truly clear only to her, the mother kept this piece of information to herself for some time.  She kept this information to herself until three years later when she and her husband were determining whether or not there was hope for their crumbling marriage.   She chose that moment to divulge her secret.  The marriage did not survive.  The secret did.

The secret lived on for decades.  The secret lived on until medical needs have arisen in the next generation which have necessitated opening the circle of secret holders just a bit.  The secret lived on even after the family member whom it most impacted had gone.  He died never knowing the truth.

I asked many.. many...many questions all of which were answered.  As the next generation searches for information from the newly discovered branch of the family there was another significant piece of information.  You see my family member died of a condition similar to one that killed a half-sibling he never knew he had over a decade before.  This led to the one question that got to the tip of my tongue and stopped,  "What if he had known of his half-sibling?  Could that have changed...".

No, can't go there.  Can't be the only one to have thought that.  Can't change what was.  Can't change what is.

While I am quick to digest information, my emotions seem to process at a glacial pace.    So as Hurricane Florence continues to loom I am fervently praying this bombshell of family history is the most dramatic part of my weekend.  My emotions and the storm moving side by side at that same glacial pace.

By Jove, I Think She's Got it!

I was so excited to watch her take her steps and start walking.

I love hearing her sweet voice call me Mama.

I am continually amazed at the heights she can climb.

But the most satisfying milestone to date HAS to be her newfound ability to regularly sleep past-wait for it...

Game. Changer.

Transition to one nap was helpful in that it reassured me she was not getting too much daytime sleep.  The girl can only sleep at most between 13-14 hours a day and two 90 minute naps (one hour would just make her cranky) was leaving us about 10 hours of nighttime sleep.  But now with this one nap business (usually lasting about 2 hours or so) I felt confident she could handle another hour of nighttime sleep, I just had to convince HER she needed it.

Found the answer in this article:  https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2017/05/17/toddler-waking-up-at-5am/

So starting last Tuesday when she woke up before 6:00am, I just went in her room, told her it wasn't time to get up yet (miraculously she just laid back down!) and put the blanket we use for nap time on her.  After about two days she just.kept.sleeping.  Monday I even had to WAKE HER UP at 6:50 so we could go to the store before the other kids arrived.  Wow!

Now J.T. gets up between 5-5:30 each weekday morning so I still get up, but it is REMARKABLE the amount of stuff you can get down when you don't have a toddler ankle weight!    Tuesday I got ALL of my housework for the day done before she woke up.  I almost cried from sheer joy.

It's the little things, people.  The little things.

Unexpected Blessings

I joined a One and Done:  Not By Choice Facebook group earlier this summer.  I'm going to be honest--for the most part it is relatively depressing.  Most of the posts are from individuals who seem to be going through secondary infertility and as a result many of their (very justified!) laments remind me of my days on infertility message boards once upon a time.  There are however several very positive reasons I stay.

First, these women have children of all ages and have opened my eyes to only child experiences I likely would not have considered.  For instance if your family of three goes on a vacation you may consider bringing along a friend otherwise you the parents may become pretty haggard from serving as playmate for days on end.  Also, (even though I was probably guilty of it myself) I failed to realize how often being an only child is brought up by teachers and other caregivers as a reason behind (mostly negative) behaviors.

There is also one unexpected, but amazing blessing I have gotten from this group and it is this:

Given that many of these women have experienced secondary infertility they have spent years of their only child's young life focused on providing a sibling for that child.  They of course loved their child and gave them as much of their attention as they could, BUT given what I know the absolute mindf*&% (sorry there is no other word that comes to mind) infertility of any kind can be I could very easily see how distracted one could be during this time even with their most precious loved one.

Also, these poor, unsuspecting women acknowledge assuming they would have more than one opportunity to experience babyhood, toddlerhood, starting school, and the like and openly acknowledge their regret for not savoring these moments as they could have if they knew they would only get one shot.

When my sweet girl calls me mama using her still small voice--I know.

When she wakes up early from a nap and I get to hold her while she continues to sleep--I know.

When she hits a new milestone--I know.

When she goes to preschool--I know.

And the list goes on and on.  I know.  And what a blessing that is.

First Day of School and (self-inflicted) Stress

Last year I have a vague recollection of the first day of school, and discovering that North Carolina Public Schools could in fact start a school year without me:).  But since I was covered in babies, toddlers and doctoral classwork it kind of came and went mostly undetected.  This year however I got to enjoy the many (many, many) first day of school and preschool pictures posted by friends and it hit me:  I have been a stressed out fool (mostly) of my own making.

Well I mean I did not bring Cancer and speech delays into my home intentionally, but these unforeseeable stressors were layered upon a huge mountain of stress I pretty much built myself.

You see when I started my doctoral program I had a pretty fantastic course that set a great foundation for being successful in the program and as a part of that course I mapped out my proposed schedule for the program.  I had a three year version and a four-five year version.  The three year version was chock full, but ultimately would save time and money and would obviously allow me to enter the job market earlier.  The four-five year version allowed me to go to school full time for the first two-three years (good use of time and money), but the final years were weird given that several course and comps are only available in the spring.  To me this meant spending tuition money unnecessarily to stay at least part time each semester (which is required) and dragging things out needlessly (or so I thought at the time). 

Despite the professor's very clear and confident recommendation that it would be in my best interest to take the longer road I dove into the fast track headfirst.  At the end of the day I don't completely regret my decision.  Yes, last year was SOOOO stressful (and the year before that sooooo busy).  BUT given the activity levels of the kids now and the fact that if they are awake I cannot maintain focus on an assignment long enough to do anything of value it is likely a good thing that I knocked it out when I was pregnant and they were tiny as I could type/read while they played on the floor/activity mats. 

Speaking of the kids (plural) that's another potential for stress that is of my own choosing.  Starting around the New Year J.T. began to say very clearly there was not a need for me to continue with the "daycare" if I didn't want to.  He then proceeded to get a raise in the spring which prompted him to again remind me that the "daycare" was not a necessity.  While what he was saying was true from a financial perspective now that I knew that our baby girl was going to be our one and only I NEEDED her to have kids to play with regularly.  Not only is she super interested in hanging out with other kids but it is important to me that she spends time learning to get along with other kids in a pseudo-sibling way. 

While each of the reasons behind me taking on these self-inflicted stressors continue to remain valid I NEED to remember that the stress that comes with them are born out of CHOICES I have made.  Given the fact they are choices I can make (responsible) CHANGES to them at anytime.  So if I graduate next summer (or December) instead of May so be it.  That is a choice I will make if the need arises.  I choose to have AJ and Andi come to our home and at any time I can choose to let their family's know they need to find other arrangements. 

It is amazing the freedom and breathing room CHOICES can provide.  It is a privilege I will not regard lightly again.

Leap #10 in the House

Not a perfect science but Wonder Weeks has been eerily in the ballpark for Isabella.  It dawned on me after several days of fussiness and a lot of "stop" from me that something was up.  I thought briefly it was a tooth (we have been stuck at 8 forever), but after checking the app come to find out it's the 10th and final leap.

As per usual it made me feel somewhat better that there was a (semi) justifiable reason for the whining, tears, and meltdowns.  It also allowed me to review several things I could be doing proactively to head some of the "stop"s off at the pass.   Usually a scenario that ends with "stop" plays out like this:

Isabella:  (grabs something she shouldn't have)
Me:  That is mommy's/daddy's/doggies'.  I need that please.
Isabella:  (meltdown that involves a death grip on said object and requires the jaws of life to extract it from her very tiny, but very-vice like hands!)
Me:  Stoooop (but imagine a very exacerbated, dramatic stop usually accompanied by an eye roll, and the desire to cry)

When I write it out it seems minor but when it happens like 50 times a day it makes you want to stick something sharp into your eye.  So during nap time I Isabella-proofed every room except for hers and took care of that once she got up and she hung out with Daddy.  Our home is of course baby proofed (gates, socket protectors, door knob covers, etc.), but Isabella proofing requires a different lens.  To Isabella-proof one must look at a room and ask:

1.  What can I climb?
2.  What buttons can be pressed?
3.  What has a cord?
4.  What belongs to a four legged friend?

The playroom is already Isabella-proofed and even includes an end table-couch combo that has been padded with cushioning to allow for safe climbing, so of course she wants to spend as little time as possible there.  That left four other rooms and a sunporch to tackle.  Basically that was taking anything on a surface a finding it a hidden away home, and taking every chair/stool/similar object that provided access to higher elevations and finding it a new home in the garage.  The bathrooms and J.T.'s office now have doors shut 90% of the time and each room has a fun box of toys or other safe to play with objects (that have yet to be touched!). 

This took me about 2-3 hours total time, but I am pretty sure I tacked 2-3 years back on to my life as my stress level has diminished significantly.  Girlfriend still has some leap/toddler related fussiness going on, but the amount of toddler on mommy "combat" has reduced drastically.  Counting this as a win--for now!

First (time) in Flight

I am good at going to sleep at night but will occasionally wake up throughout the night and have trouble going back to sleep.  Often times it is just general racing thoughts that won't hush up.  However, last Thursday when I woke up at 2am unable to fall back to sleep there was only one thought keeping me awake:

I was flying to PA...

with a toddler...

alone...gulp!

2 1/2 hours in the air seemed way preferable to to 8 hours on the road when I booked the flight to see my family last month especially since Isabella flies free given the reasonably short flights--one 90 minute and one 60 minute--would allow for her to just sit in my lap.

However, that morning I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach. 

What if Isabella decided to be THAT kid?  The kid who scream cries at take off and continues until we land.   I have never personally been on a flight with THAT kid but have heard horror stories.  I did not want to be on the receiving end of death stares even though the trips would be reasonably short.  I suspect death stares double or triple the perceived flying time!

What if I couldn't keep Isabella entertained in the airport?  If I'm chasing her around then I can't keep an eye on our bags and you KNOW leaving what they say about leaving your bag unattended.

What if I forget to pack something imperative?  I'm super cheap and without looking into booked the least expensive flight.  Turns out basic economy doesn't include a carry on.  Say what?!?  Didn't even know that was possible.  Found out a personal item could be a backpack and that a diaper back doesn't count as anything so....challenge accepted!  I packed for us using just a backpack and diaper bag (diapers and other bulky items to be purchased in PA and brought back with my parents the next time they come to visit).  I was now having second doubts about my packing ability especially since it would be just the two of us en route.

Then there are the various and sundry issues that come with plane travel.   Missed connection, stuck on the runway for hours on end, plane falls out of the sky...ya know the standard concerns.

Lots of prayers and 9.5 hours later we landed at our hometown regional airport after a successful trip!

Two tips from a friend (board last and seat by a window) coupled with (what will probably be the last) the use of the Baby Bjorn, a couple downloaded episodes of the Bubble Guppies and a sticker book helped turn our seatmates nervous glances to compliments by the time we landed. 

There was one touch and go moment on the second flight when the puddle jumper started down the runway.  Isabella started crying (loudly!) but fell asleep before we were in the air (phew!).

Our return trip was equally uneventful (though the regional flight was replaced with a three hour car ride to Baltimore since I'm a dummy and booked the flights too close together and enter basic economy requires the purchase of a brand new ticket-smh) and we had lots of fun with family in between. 

We may have to try this whole toddler flying thing at Christmas...it would be the same, right;)?

15 Month Appointment

"Help me doctor--she needs to sleep!!!"

Maybe not verbatim, but that was pretty much my only question/concern when asked.  Honestly my sleep isn't even all that effected.  Now that she's not waking up during the night I am still getting a (mostly) full night of sleep.  The problem is--she's not!  She's not falling asleep until 8 and then still getting up around 5.  This girl does not do well on 9 hours of night time sleep.  And unfortunately her daytime sleep isn't making up the difference.

Her naps have also become a source of stress as she's only sleep about an hour each time and waking up a bear  Something needs to change.

Doctor's advice? 

Let her self-sooth to sleep (that's my nice way of saying cry it out--which I do not have any problems with but wanted a clean bill of health and assurance that there were not teeth in sight before proceeding.  Honestly it hadn't even dawned on me for some reason and it felt like I got the permission I didn't realize I was looking for!).

AND

Make the transition to one nap a day

Even though we are traveling tomorrow I went ahead and started on the first point tonight.  She cried for about 20-30 minutes (on and off) before going to sleep around 7:45 so already we are on track to getting her a little more sleep:).

She continues to be a big, strong girl and is consistently 85th percentile across the board for height, weight and head.

I also rectified my brief stint as an "Anti-Vax" Mama:).  At the 12 month appointment I decided I wanted more time to figure out whether the chicken pox vaccine was necessary.  Because clearly I am going to be a doctor so I'm wiser than the CDC, AAP, and a host of others (insert eye roll).  After doing a little digging even though I had the chicken pox and survived (which is always a sound argument:/) there are a host of other issues that can arise so girlfriend is now up to date with all of her vaccines and will get to avoid missing a week of school and some itching when she hits elementary school.

Girls "Weekend"

Since graduating from college I have been blessed to spend a weekend each year (there may have been some exceptions here or there) with my college roommates.  We live in four different states so we rotate.  It's a great chance to get away and catch up.  This year's trip was in West Virginia and was my first time so far away from AND for 36 hours away from AND with J.T. as sole caregiver overnight (and throughout the day but that part's not a first).

It was all around a success!  Had a good time, good food, and good wine with friends. 

With the wonders of technology when I missed Isabella I would pull up a photo or video which helped.  I didn't have to listen to Raffi ad nauseum, in fact, didn't have to listen to him at all and sang along with a bunch of songs that didn't include farm animals, motions or even rhyme.  J.T. and Isabella did well on their end.  Only a stray "mama?" here and there.  They visited a couple of different playgrounds and Chick-Fil-A.  J.T. admitted he was nervous to take her anywhere else because he's not comfortable dealing with a meltdown in public.  They don't happen often but this girl knows what she wants and can become shall we testy.

I think a night away from my girl is all I can handle at this point, but I am super happy that it is possible.

There Goes Bedtime

Hoping this is the 18 month sleep regression striking early, but what is happening?!?!

Since she was about 4 months old going to sleep at bedtime has pretty much been standard.  Walk (if the weather allows), bath, jammies, bottle while she still took one and then bed. 

Now out of the blue Isabella has decided to that she's too cool for bedtime.

We have tried adjusting the time.  We have tried making the routine longer and added books and other quiet activities.   We held her for a couple of nights but that didn't seem sustainable (or wise!) so tried just sitting in her room.  That worked well, but we need those 30-45 minutes (until she's conked out enough for us to tip toe out without her noticing) to DO things. 

As an added bonus, she also reverted back to waking up through the night.  In an effort to have sleep all around I have started leaving couch cushions outside of her door and sacking out on those.  She falls back to sleep relatively quickly (though there have been a couple of nights when she has been up for like 45 minutes and one sad night when it was two hours!).  She doesn't seem to WANT to be up she just can't go back to sleep.  She just "swims".

There has also been some "swimming" randomly on the floor during the day so we visited the pediatrician who brought Nexium back into our lives.  Fortunately insurance must have changed because we are now paying $1 per daily dose instead of $3 (score!).  It has definitely made a difference for the land "swimming" and nighttime wake ups, but bedtime continues to be a point of contention. 

I started sitting outside of her door on the aforementioned couch cushions as a compromise with the hopes of eventually weaning her without all the drama (fingers crossed).   There are only a limited amount of things I can do while staying in eyesight of the crib that do not make noise.  Did I mention I have things to do?!?!

And we have "Mama"!

Well this little turkey made a liar out of her mama, but I am sooo glad she did!

My parents were in town for a long weekend so they watched Isabella while we went to the gym.  While we were gone they said she would go back and forth from the bottom of the steps to the garage door saying "Mama?".  When I got back she continued to say mama looking right at me and has continued to acknowledge that I am Mama ever since:). 

So the good news is we are not looking at Apraxia (kind of jumped the gun on that one--oops!).  Will still continue with the monthly speech, but am super relieved that we are just looking at a delay.  Phew...

No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed

The time when you were getting your child ready for bed on your bed and she attempts to scamper off and you are a second too slow:(.

Of course she fell off the opposite side of the bed so don't know if she hit with her head or her back first but it didn't sound great.

A visit to the children's emergency room gave us a clean bill of health but I still feel awful.

Clearly the floor is our best bet for changing moving forward.  Lesson learned.