I Never Did Like Math

The One and Done:  Not by Choice group was really starting to weigh on me, but I still felt like I needed a similar community with whom to relate.  That led to my joining a new One and Done group that was a mix of those who were there as the result of both choice and circumstance.   Someone posted a question what led to people becoming a one and done family.  Here was my response:

Hadn't thought of it that way before I typed that response.  But numbers (and possibly little things you know like God's plan for our lives) are ultimately what has led to our status as a triangle family.

Time.  Money.  Statistics.  These are the primary barriers to us not being like many other couples I know that begin to discuss the possibility of another when their child starts inching their way to that second birth day.  I had made my peace with our family of three.  Turns out someone else maybe has not.

About a month ago I had mentioned that a teacher I used to work with and who had also struggled to start a family had just taken on their first foster care placement-a six month old.  Later this led to a discussion about what fostering might look like for us.  I had looked at foster to adopt before we signed on with Lifetime and had been living under the information I found then.  At that time my research had led me to believe that there were virtually no paths for foster to adopt in our state.  Reunification was paramount.   That shut down further conversation because we would only be interested in a foster to adopt scenario.

Fast forward to our trip this past weekend.  I don't remember exactly how it came up, but mention was made that due to a raise at work and a job offer on the horizon that was quite promising that another attempt at IVF with donor eggs might be feasible.  Caught off guard I was quick to explain that our 50/50 shot was asleep in the next room (ok, the closet in the next room) and that I wasn't willing to go through it again with those statistics.  That is where the discussion ended.  The discussion, but not my brain.

What is going on here?  What happened to my staunch supporter of the only child?  Has he had a change of heart? 

Clearly these are questions I need to be asking HIM; however, more than a little bit of me is fearful for hope to once again bubble to the surface.  I am finally at PEACE with our one and only.  Why, NOW?

Well, why not now?  

I am chosen

Not forsaken

I am who You say I am

You are for me

Not against me

I am who You say I am

I am who You say I am

Lord Lead.  I will follow.  I think I am finally getting the hang of how it is done.

Oh and if you are not familiar with those lyrics check this out: