I had my annual exam today at the gyno. We discussed multiple things including my restarting birth control pills. Since my own eggs and ability to ovulate are useless (in fact inconvenient) for what lies ahead, I figure I can at least have clear skin and pain free (low pain) cycles again.
As we were wrapping up, she made a comment about hoping to see me soon or something along those lines and I was honestly stumped. Why? You're the doctor I only come to see once a year (or once every two years) and really serve no purpose in my life other than I come when I start to feel guilty that my incompetent reproductive system is going to find another way to wreck my life if I don't get a routine exam.
I awkwardly searched for clarification as our RE would handle the DE cycle or monitoring for embryo adoption. She paused and then slowly, but kindly explained that I would then come back to her for ultrasounds and other pregnancy related needs. I sat there stunned for a moment and then got a lump in my throat and tears filled my eyes.
We have spent almost 6 years so focused on HOW we would have a child, that I have not had much time to ponder what it would be like to be WITH child. I mean sure I have spent plenty of time daydreaming what it will be like when we are a family of 3 (or 4!), but I have spent almost no time considering what it would actually be like to BE PREGNANT.
I mean of course I know that she is an OBGYN; however, the OB component has kind of felt like a club in which I am not allowed to participate so I guess I just blocked it out. Yet another way IF changes your way of thinking.
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