Rotten Eggs

We met with our RE yesterday.  We came much better prepared than we did when we went two years ago.  I had a long list of questions and he was very patient and answered every single one.  He is such a nice man and presents things in such a straight forward, scientifically based manner that it is a good fit for both of us.  

Now as I said he answered every single question, but unfortunately the answers were less than great:(.

Though our official diagnosis remains unexplained my eggs have always been advanced/mature for my age which adds a new subtitle of Diminished Ovarian Reserve in my current state.   I currently have the eggs of a 40+ year old, at 30 they were more like that of 35 year old, etc.  What makes it unexplained is they don't know why they are like this or what caused the advanced aging.

Since our last visit they now have a program that allows them to input all of our data and it will spit out projections related to various scenarios specifically for us.  Two years ago he gave us a 25-30% probability that IVF would work for us the first time.  That number has decreased slightly (but probably with more accuracy) to 19%.  The really bad news (yep that 19% isn't the worst of it) is that he only projects, even with aggressive stimulating drugs, I am only likely to produce 2 eggs.  This would mean that both would be implanted and that there would be none left over for the possibility of a later transfer(transfer is only about 10% of the overall cost of IVF-therefore more eggs could theoretically allow for multiple attempts without incurring the full cost of IVF).  

Going into the appointment knowing things were not looking good, we also came armed with questions about Donor Eggs and Embryo Adoption given the fact that we can only afford one shot.

I have been contemplating the idea of Donor Eggs (DE) for two weeks now and still can't make my peace with the idea.  I have no problems having children to which I have no genetic ties; however, the idea of someone else's DNA mixing with my husband's kills me.  I hate the idea of robbing him of the opportunity of not have genetic links to his child since at the moment that is still a viable option, but I can't seem to shake the awful feeling that I associate with DE.  

I am much more at peace with the idea of embryo adoption which our current RE does not do, but there is another medical facility here that does.

With each of these options the Dr. gave us 50-50 odds.

We talked a little in the car on the way home--talk about a weird ass conversation (who ever thinks they are going to have discuss carrying a child to who is not biologically your own or whether your husband could be genetically tied to the child you are carrying but you are not!?!)   We are currently processing all of this information and will discuss after JT's certification test for work on Monday. 

So that's where we are at  one step forward, two steps back all because of my stupid, rotten eggs.