Done

So I have started running again (well right now, walking/running).  The other day I was trying to complete the final leg of the actual running part of my workout and I was just DONE.  I didn't see how I was possibly going to make it that final block.  My lungs burned, my legs ached, and I wanted to quit.  "I should just start walking now,"  I told myself.  But I could see the end of the block.  I could see the footpath that signified the end of the run and the beginning of the cool down.  So I pushed myself and, fast forward a few moments, I completed the run.

As I was pushing through the final length, it dawned on my "Many of the most significant things that have happened to me were just like this final leg of my run."

I enjoyed high school for the most part, but my senior year was a hot mess.  I had a falling out with some friends, worked two jobs to help put money aside for college, broke up with my "high school sweetheart", and could not figure out for the life of me what trig was all about. Frankly, I was just DONE with school in the small town in which I grew up.  Fast forward through the summer and I began college which was by far the highlight of my school career.

Just like trig, I never quite got the hang of flirting.  I was also terrified of getting hurt, so rarely took any chances in the dating world.  Yes, I dated but I found myself going on two dates with a guy and it would fizzle out.  I just wasn't willing to take a chance of getting my heart broken.  Finally, I dated a very nice, very safe guy for a few months when we both finally came to the conclusion that we were not a good fit for one another.  After that relationship ended I was just DONE with dating and felt I needed to focus on other things.  Fast forward two months and I began dating my husband who is by far the love of my life and my soul mate.

The other love of my life is education.  While it is definitely some of the hardest work I think a person can do and I have done my fair share of venting on a day to day basis, I truly love teaching and watching those I teach make connections and learn new things.  In my final year of teaching though I found myself at a school that was not a good fit.  That year was by far the most difficult that I had experienced as a teacher and due to a hiring freeze, transfer freeze, and unwillingness to put myself through another year of torment I was just DONE with teaching.  Fast forward a few weeks and I was hired to be the founding elementary school principal of a brand new charter school which by far been professionally the most exhausting but most rewarding experience of my career.

I have always heard that motherhood is the most exhausting but most rewarding endeavor a woman can pursue.   For the past 4.5 years I have pursed this endeavor with vigor, and frankly feel exhausted. I am still hopeful but in my darker moments, my eyes burn with tears, my heart aches, and sometimes I think it would be easier to just quit.   The destination of this leg of the journey is still unclear, but maybe if I could fast forward things just a little it would all make sense...