Eating My Feelings

and phish food ice cream shaped, and chocolate shaped, and chip shaped and...

Growing up I was an emotional eater.  That wasn't a phrase in the 90's, but looking back that's what I was doing.  In my 20's and 30's I got a much better handle on stress eating and binging (notice I said much better and not stopped). 

However, there are times like these when the appeal to eat what I want (mostly junk food and food that I don't have to prepare myself), when I want it is VERY strong.  My weight is starting to creep back up and I start the day motivated to fight back and by mid day, after school most of that motivation is zapped.  Coupled with the fact my desire to run is equally waning, I am seeing deja vu in my future!  I know that I am not overweight, but this bouncing around of 5, 10, 15, 20 extra pounds is not good for me either.

I think the biggest draw is that the things I want the most (children and a less stressful job) are out of my control.  Adoption land continues to be a desert and J.T. has had some health things come up that has delayed the donor egg vs. embryo adoption decision.  It looks like I will be right back in this same position at work next year where I spend the bulk of my time problem solving and dealing with concerns which are often beyond my personal control.

So by eating my feelings be them anger, stress or my current favorite-sadness I am conveniently and easily able to make myself happy even if it just for the time it takes me to consume whatever unhealthy treat I've fixed my sights on.

Part of my brain knows that this kind of eating is not the answer.  The other part doesn't care and just says "feed me!" it will take away the stressful parent meeting, discipline cases, and cranky teachers you dealt with in the last 24 hours.  I won the battle tonight by cooking a mostly healthy dinner.  However, there is a half pint of Phish food ice cream calling my name after dinner.  So the winner of this war is like so many facets of my life-TBD.