A Week to Wallow

For the past week I have allowed myself to wallow in my current state of sadness.  I listened to sad songs.  I read books that did not end happily ever after for all.  I watched The Diary of Anne Frank.  I just gave myself permission to feel sad for where I am/we are at right now.

Wallowing is a new concept for me.  I remember when my high school boyfriend of two years broke up with me seemingly out of the blue when I was a senior.   I gave myself to permission to wallow for the weekend, but by Monday felt it was time to move past it.  That was they last time I remember giving myself permission to feel sadness without feeling guilty or feeling like I had to push it down until now.

I wish I was a better crier.  Similar to sadness when I feel myself start to tear up I generally try to stop the tears before they begin to flow.  Sometimes it's out of practicality--I'm driving my car.  Sometimes it's out of convenience--I don't want to have to explain why I am crying to those around me.  Sometimes I think it is out of sheer habit.

So while there wasn't much by way of tears this week, I did spend time allowing myself to feel how I felt.  I can begin to feel myself turning a corner towards peace which will hopefully lead to contentment once again.  I am hoping that because I am allowing myself to progress naturally instead of forcing myself that peace and contentment will be where I get to stay for a while.