Loss (Part III)

With each of these two loses I experienced the stages of grief. My psychology courses taught me the stages of grief looked like a neat a cyclical circle.  With a beginning and an end.

However, I believe this depiction to be more accurate:

With my brother the first image is more accurate.  Acceptance came quickly, but continues to be painted with sadness.

Given that we are still not parents, do not know when we will become parents, and in fact still have a chance of becoming parents both through adoption and natural means, this grieving process looks much more like the second image.  

I thought I had reached the acceptance stage when we chose to adopt.  However, after 10 months of waiting (and watching our friends whose wait is reaching the 2 year mark) I think I am finding myself back in the thick of it.  Though this time around it is a feeling of numbness.  I almost think I would rather feel angry or sad or SOMETHING.  I feel like if I was feeling one of those two I could cry or rage and move past it somehow.

I don't know how to shake off numb.