Call me, maybe?

My iPhone ring tone is set to "old phone".  This was selected with a touch of nostalgia.  My parents are just about the last people to jump on board for any technological advancement.  They do have a cell phone of the pay-as-you-go, flip phone variety.  They got a cordless phone and answering machine sometime after I left for college.  This means that the only phone I had access to during my my formative phone using years looked like this:

It hung on the wall of our kitchen and it's only saving grace was the 6 feet long cord that allowed me a semblance of privacy when I could stretch it out to our back porch in warm weather and to the top of our basement steps when it was cold.

Growing up in a family of 6, the phone rang a lot.  As it rang you never knew who was on the other side or who it was for.  You never knew whether it was good news or bad news, gossip or essential information, friend or stranger.  I was never a sit-by-the-phone-and-wait-for-it-to-ring kind of girl, but a ringing phone can definitely perk me up.

It's 2015, so my phone is almost always with me and for the last 9.5 months each time the phone rings I wonder "Is this the call?".  The call that brings up one step closer to our baby.  The call that will take us from a family of two to a family of three (or four!).  The call that opens the door to a relationship with a family we don't yet know, but whose lives will be forever intertwined with ours moving forward.

Those are not the only thoughts I have about the call.  The call could also lead to a conversation that ultimately leads to an expectant parent choosing a different couple.  The call could lead us to caring for a baby for only a short time or not at all as the birth mother might choose to parent herself. However, I am an optimist at heart so most of my thoughts are of the former rather than latter nature.

I know it's important for us to be ready when the call comes, but the flip side of that is that every day in the back of my mind is a twinge of hope that today is the day.  So like it or not I have become a sit-by-the-phone-and-HOPE-for-ONE-ring-in-particular kind of girl.   Sigh--it's a catch 22 that is beginning to drive me more than just a little crazy.