The Spirited Child

Yet another book I wish had existed earlier in my teaching career.  Fortunately it came out in time to help with my own kiddo:).

Between teaching school aged students and now spending my days with littles, I have read a lot of books relating to childhood behavior.  This book helped me close the gap in my knowledge between your average by the book child and a child with diagnosable needs.  In a nutshell:

Each spirited child is unique, yet there exist distinct characteristics in which more is very apparent. Not every spirited child will possess all of the following five characteristics, but each will exhibit enough of them to make her stand out in the crowd.

These are the ones that speak most to my sweet (and at times spicy/salty) girl:

1. INTENSITY: The loud, dramatic spirited children are the easiest to spot. They don’t cry; they shriek. They’re noisy when they play, when they laugh, and even when they take a shower, singing at the top of their lungs while the hot-water tank empties. No matter where their intensity is focused, the reactions of spirited children are always powerful. There is rarely a middle of the road. They never whimper; they wail. They can skip into a room, smiling and laughing, only to depart thirty seconds later inflamed. Their tantrums are raw and enduring.  Check!
2. PERSISTENCE: If an idea or an activity is important to them, spirited children can “lock” right in. They are committed to their task, goal-oriented, and are unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves.  Yup!
3. PERCEPTIVENESS: Send them to their room to get dressed and they’ll never make it. Something along the way—perhaps a flash of light at the window—will catch their attention as they walk by, and they’ll forget about getting dressed. It can take ten minutes to get them from the house to the car. They notice everything—the latest oil spill, the white feather in the bird’s nest, and the dew in the spiderweb. They are often accused of not listening.  For sure!

Many, but not all, possess four additional “bonus” characteristics: aspects of their personality that can make being their parent even more challenging.  

Fortunately Isabella only possesses one of these, but it is a doozy:

ENERGY: The tales of spirited kids I hear from parents are truly amazing, like that of the two-week-old baby who “crawled” the entire length of a queen-size bed and was about to land on the floor when his father found him. Or the toddler who opened the oven door and used it to crawl onto the counter and from there to the top of the refrigerator.  Not all spirited kids are climbers and leapers. But they do tend to be busy—fidgeting, taking things apart, exploring, and creating projects—from the time they wake up until they finally fall asleep. Although sometimes viewed as “wild,” their energy is usually focused and has a purpose.  We have many pictures/videos to prove it!

The good news for us was that Isabella tends to flutter on the low end of the spirited scale (just a notch above just a spunky, sassy little thing), but it has been beyond helpful to understand a little more fully who we are potentially dealing with.  She is for sure very young, but these components of who she is have been in place almost since day one.  The likelihood of her "growing out of them" are not the best, so I guess it's better to be over-prepared than underprepared.

Now What?

For three decades I have very deliberately planned next steps and put all of my time, energy, and mental capacity into these plans and bringing them to fruition.  I have two items left on my doctoral to-do list (having a dissertation formatting meeting with the grad school and submitting it to ProQuest for publishing).  Once those are done I am officially completed with this milestone. 

Technically speaking I have not been employed since June of 2017.  While I can say I have been self-employed as a caregiver and have been a student, those things are not the same as holding a job in my mind.  Prior to June of 2017 I had been continuously employed for 26 years.  None of those jobs have ever been a traditional 9-5, but for each of them I had to apply, interview and report to some version of a supervisor.  At first my new "work" status after Isabella was born was disconcerting and I struggled.  Part of the struggle was being the primary parent to a challenging baby on top of being self employed as a caregiver and student, but in hindsight I think part of the struggle came from being completely on my own.  There is freedom in that for sure, but with great freedom comes great responsibility.  That responsibility was the most overwhelming I had experienced to date.

Over the last year; however, I feel I have hit my stride to some extent.  I have shown I am self-motivated and self-directed.  Also, with God's guidance, I have increasingly tried to look at  "the big picture" attempting to make decisions based on values of peace and contentment rather than ambition and success.  It is a blessing and by God's grace alone that I am in a position to re-enter the workforce in a manner that helps provide homeostasis for myself and my family. 

That said it is also a daunting task as there is not a clear cut next step.  I am seeking God's guidance to start down a brand new professional path that allows me to use my skills and education in a way that brings glory to God while at the same time provides an income that gradually increases to match the output of education and money spent on said education AND allows there to continued to be peace in my relationships and home.  No SMALL FEAT for sure, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.  So let's see where I'm at and where I need to go from here.

My child care business is not where I envisioned it going, but it has evolved into what works best for myself and my family.  I am paid to be able to consistently provide a playmate for my only child while at the same time provide stability and routine to a little guy who needs it, but doesn't always have it outside of my care.  It is my hope to continue to provide AJ care and, with his parents blessing of course, to include him in any supplemental care I may need for Isabella along with the way.   However, with this evolution has come a decrease in financial contribution.  This will continue to be the case as the amount of preschool the kids attend (and/or the amount of supplemental care) increases.  As a result, I don't think it is fair to say I am a childcare provider any longer (except of course for tax purposes and to explain why I have two kids 40 hours a week:).

When I began this doctoral journey I think my concrete goal aligned with my prior experience.  I would graduate and at some point depending on the needs of my child obtain a tenure track position at a university.  Well a couple of things have changed along the way.  First, I have learned that the road to tenure, much like the work in K-5 education, is stacked against the employee.  The expectations are too high, the work load is unreasonable and the potential to balance work and life beyond work well is bleak.  It also requires flexibility of location which at this point I have none.  As a result, tenure track is something that I may pursue when Isabella is (much) older or J.T. finds himself in a season of life where he could be a traveling spouse, but for the foreseeable future is not a viable option.

All of that said, I now have a doctorate and to ensure my time and our money has not been wasted I need to find a way to put it to good use.

As a result, I need a plan B.  I still would like to teach college.  Since I am not interested in tenure track at the moment adjunct work seems to be the best option at this point.  That said, I am graduating in August so while I will do my best at this late stage the likelihood of obtaining a position for the fall is bleak.  However, it will not stop me from trying so the step one is to develop a game plan for applying for current and future openings.

Another idea began to percolate over the last year.  While my dissertation is not my pride and joy by a long shot, I set a timeline, developed a game plan and completed a passable work with virtually no oversight (or guidance unfortunately).   Therefore, it is possible that writing (and maybe even providing PD based upon the books I theoretically write) may be another possible option I had not ever previously considered. 

SO the question on every one's mind (well maybe not everyone's mind, but MY mind) is:

Where do I begin?!?!

Terrible 2s

I have said all along that I don't want Isabella to bottle her feelings up like I do.  I sincerely want her to feel her feelings.  That said why can't she feel them more quietly and less dramatically!

She is the kid that squeals with delight and belly laughs when she feels joy.

She is ALSO the kid that cries and carries on (for what feels like HOURS) when she feels, you know, less joyful.

The lack of rhyme and reason, plus spending all this time in the deep end of emotion is a LOT for this right-brained mama to take.

I am re-reading the books I read last year when the little girl I watched went through this phase.  I guess I had hoped being proactive would be helpful.  I guess I thought wrong:(.

I love this girl more than anything, but dang this is hard.

Final Defense

The "disaster" that was my dissertation proposal has been swirling around in my brain for the last two weeks.  I had once again done everything that the members of my committee have asked me to do, but after getting knocked on my ass the last time had no idea what they do once they were all together.  The last time it felt like they were kindly, but none the less completely, undoing the work I had put much time into constructing.  When I left the room I was still conducting qualitative research on male students diagnosed with ADHD in the reading classroom, but what I had been primarily wanting to learn ultimately got tossed out the window.   To boot, this time I would be kicked out of the room so they could deliberate in private-yikes!

Over the last 8 months I had developed a new bond with this revised research I had cultivated.  While it certainly has flaws, it is the result of probably hundreds of hours of time, thought, and effort.  Recently there have been some pictures on Instagram of PhD candidates taking "maternity" phots with their dissertation.  On many levels I could totally relate . So all I kept thinking was "What if they blew it up AGAIN?!?!".

I practiced my defense presentation for days.  I had to take my 100+ page dissertation and condense it into a cohesive 20 minute rundown.  I am lucky that my fast talking, Yankee ways are still accessible as that was the ONLY way I got it done.  I also sent out requests for prayers from friends and family, and was pretty much talking to God 24:7.   Unfortunately the committee picked an afternoon time slot, so for the first half of the day my stomach was in knots. 

On the drive over to campus I gave the whole thing over to the Lord.   I had been trying to do just for days, but I think I was finally able to take my grubby little paws off of it in the car.  This, of course, made a world of difference.  Why can't I just do this in the first place?!?!

My new found sense of peace allowed me to enter the room and give it all I had.  Fortunately all I had was enough because as I re-entered the room after their private deliberation they called me DOCTOR:).

As Isabella used to say "Did IT!".

Beach Week 2019

For the first time in three years J.T. actually got to join us on a vacation.  The first year after Isabella was born we didn't go anywhere.  Then last year he felt like he needed to be conservative with his days off because of treatment.  So we were super excited for him to come!  This was also the dogs first vacation in three years as they normally stay with J.T. when Iz and I go out of town.

So for the first time ever our entire family went on a vacation together which seems like it would have been awesome (and ultimately it was), but turns out in the mind of a 2 year old when the whole family leaves the house together and starts settling in somewhere new alarm bells apparently sound:/.  For the first time ever Isabella was devastated to be away from home and her refrain of "home" ranged from pitiful to outright hostile. 

She had all of her favorite things and all of her favorite people so at first we were at a total loss.  After seeking advice from others we started counting down the days until we would return home.  Now she has like zero number sense, but for whatever reason that seemed to helped most of the time. 

Over the last few weeks Isabella started requesting me to sit at her door in order for her to go to sleep (nap and bedtime-ugh).  It only lasts about 30 minutes, but between that and being on toddler time versus the night owl schedule everyone else was following PLUS the fact J.T. was sick for two days meant I didn't feel like I got much of a vacation:(.

That said, it was great spending time with our family and friends.  I DID get to sit and drink in a hot tub every afternoon while Isabella napped, so it definitely wasn't all bad.  We did play games which I enjoy and got to see some sights.  So while it is not like vacations of pre-Iz days, it was a great vacation for our current season of life.