I had posted previously about wondering if we should throw in the towel on the TTC front because I feel like I am slowly, but surely losing my mind with walking down two different (never ending) paths and feeling like I am failing at every turn.
The subject came up as we were driving home from my in-laws after Christmas. It was not an easy conversation and it was a conversation that needed to marinate for him. So it wasn't until yesterday that he topic resurfaced. Our friends brought home their baby girl on Friday-yay!!! My husband also learned that a colleague who had his own experience with infertility was going to be a father this summer, so it was a tough double whammy for him.
He (very lovingly) explained that I was not a failure and I have never been a quitter. He went on to say that I never let him give up and that he wasn't not going to let me give up either. It was very sweet, and I explained that I would continue on but that I needed him (and God) to be in charge of everything TTC and adoption related for the foreseeable future. He was good with that and mentioned he had been talking to God about the topic quite a bit recently but hadn't gotten much of an answer. I agreed that God has been silent on this particular subject for quite some time. However that is not going to stop us from continuing to ask Him for guidance.
My husband noted that God helps those who helps themselves, so we (or should I say he) is back to reviewing IVF as a possible option and I am back to OPKs and tracking my cycle. While we talked I also expressed my fear that even if I am able to get pregnant I worry about not being able to carry a pregnancy to term (there is not reason for me to think this other than the difficulty we have had even getting pregnant), His response was well at that point we have done everything we possibly could and will go down fighting.
I don't have much (any) fight left in my, but that is the beauty of marriage I guess as he is leading the charge for us both.
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