Last year I have a vague recollection of the first day of school, and discovering that North Carolina Public Schools could in fact start a school year without me:). But since I was covered in babies, toddlers and doctoral classwork it kind of came and went mostly undetected. This year however I got to enjoy the many (many, many) first day of school and preschool pictures posted by friends and it hit me: I have been a stressed out fool (mostly) of my own making.
Well I mean I did not bring Cancer and speech delays into my home intentionally, but these unforeseeable stressors were layered upon a huge mountain of stress I pretty much built myself.
You see when I started my doctoral program I had a pretty fantastic course that set a great foundation for being successful in the program and as a part of that course I mapped out my proposed schedule for the program. I had a three year version and a four-five year version. The three year version was chock full, but ultimately would save time and money and would obviously allow me to enter the job market earlier. The four-five year version allowed me to go to school full time for the first two-three years (good use of time and money), but the final years were weird given that several course and comps are only available in the spring. To me this meant spending tuition money unnecessarily to stay at least part time each semester (which is required) and dragging things out needlessly (or so I thought at the time).
Despite the professor's very clear and confident recommendation that it would be in my best interest to take the longer road I dove into the fast track headfirst. At the end of the day I don't completely regret my decision. Yes, last year was SOOOO stressful (and the year before that sooooo busy). BUT given the activity levels of the kids now and the fact that if they are awake I cannot maintain focus on an assignment long enough to do anything of value it is likely a good thing that I knocked it out when I was pregnant and they were tiny as I could type/read while they played on the floor/activity mats.
Speaking of the kids (plural) that's another potential for stress that is of my own choosing. Starting around the New Year J.T. began to say very clearly there was not a need for me to continue with the "daycare" if I didn't want to. He then proceeded to get a raise in the spring which prompted him to again remind me that the "daycare" was not a necessity. While what he was saying was true from a financial perspective now that I knew that our baby girl was going to be our one and only I NEEDED her to have kids to play with regularly. Not only is she super interested in hanging out with other kids but it is important to me that she spends time learning to get along with other kids in a pseudo-sibling way.
While each of the reasons behind me taking on these self-inflicted stressors continue to remain valid I NEED to remember that the stress that comes with them are born out of CHOICES I have made. Given the fact they are choices I can make (responsible) CHANGES to them at anytime. So if I graduate next summer (or December) instead of May so be it. That is a choice I will make if the need arises. I choose to have AJ and Andi come to our home and at any time I can choose to let their family's know they need to find other arrangements.
It is amazing the freedom and breathing room CHOICES can provide. It is a privilege I will not regard lightly again.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Leap #10 in the House
Not a perfect science but Wonder Weeks has been eerily in the ballpark for Isabella. It dawned on me after several days of fussiness and a lot of "stop" from me that something was up. I thought briefly it was a tooth (we have been stuck at 8 forever), but after checking the app come to find out it's the 10th and final leap.
As per usual it made me feel somewhat better that there was a (semi) justifiable reason for the whining, tears, and meltdowns. It also allowed me to review several things I could be doing proactively to head some of the "stop"s off at the pass. Usually a scenario that ends with "stop" plays out like this:
Isabella: (grabs something she shouldn't have)
Me: That is mommy's/daddy's/doggies'. I need that please.
Isabella: (meltdown that involves a death grip on said object and requires the jaws of life to extract it from her very tiny, but very-vice like hands!)
Me: Stoooop (but imagine a very exacerbated, dramatic stop usually accompanied by an eye roll, and the desire to cry)
When I write it out it seems minor but when it happens like 50 times a day it makes you want to stick something sharp into your eye. So during nap time I Isabella-proofed every room except for hers and took care of that once she got up and she hung out with Daddy. Our home is of course baby proofed (gates, socket protectors, door knob covers, etc.), but Isabella proofing requires a different lens. To Isabella-proof one must look at a room and ask:
1. What can I climb?
2. What buttons can be pressed?
3. What has a cord?
4. What belongs to a four legged friend?
The playroom is already Isabella-proofed and even includes an end table-couch combo that has been padded with cushioning to allow for safe climbing, so of course she wants to spend as little time as possible there. That left four other rooms and a sunporch to tackle. Basically that was taking anything on a surface a finding it a hidden away home, and taking every chair/stool/similar object that provided access to higher elevations and finding it a new home in the garage. The bathrooms and J.T.'s office now have doors shut 90% of the time and each room has a fun box of toys or other safe to play with objects (that have yet to be touched!).
This took me about 2-3 hours total time, but I am pretty sure I tacked 2-3 years back on to my life as my stress level has diminished significantly. Girlfriend still has some leap/toddler related fussiness going on, but the amount of toddler on mommy "combat" has reduced drastically. Counting this as a win--for now!
As per usual it made me feel somewhat better that there was a (semi) justifiable reason for the whining, tears, and meltdowns. It also allowed me to review several things I could be doing proactively to head some of the "stop"s off at the pass. Usually a scenario that ends with "stop" plays out like this:
Isabella: (grabs something she shouldn't have)
Me: That is mommy's/daddy's/doggies'. I need that please.
Isabella: (meltdown that involves a death grip on said object and requires the jaws of life to extract it from her very tiny, but very-vice like hands!)
Me: Stoooop (but imagine a very exacerbated, dramatic stop usually accompanied by an eye roll, and the desire to cry)
When I write it out it seems minor but when it happens like 50 times a day it makes you want to stick something sharp into your eye. So during nap time I Isabella-proofed every room except for hers and took care of that once she got up and she hung out with Daddy. Our home is of course baby proofed (gates, socket protectors, door knob covers, etc.), but Isabella proofing requires a different lens. To Isabella-proof one must look at a room and ask:
1. What can I climb?
2. What buttons can be pressed?
3. What has a cord?
4. What belongs to a four legged friend?
The playroom is already Isabella-proofed and even includes an end table-couch combo that has been padded with cushioning to allow for safe climbing, so of course she wants to spend as little time as possible there. That left four other rooms and a sunporch to tackle. Basically that was taking anything on a surface a finding it a hidden away home, and taking every chair/stool/similar object that provided access to higher elevations and finding it a new home in the garage. The bathrooms and J.T.'s office now have doors shut 90% of the time and each room has a fun box of toys or other safe to play with objects (that have yet to be touched!).
This took me about 2-3 hours total time, but I am pretty sure I tacked 2-3 years back on to my life as my stress level has diminished significantly. Girlfriend still has some leap/toddler related fussiness going on, but the amount of toddler on mommy "combat" has reduced drastically. Counting this as a win--for now!
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
First (time) in Flight
I am good at going to sleep at night but will occasionally wake up throughout the night and have trouble going back to sleep. Often times it is just general racing thoughts that won't hush up. However, last Thursday when I woke up at 2am unable to fall back to sleep there was only one thought keeping me awake:
I was flying to PA...
with a toddler...
alone...gulp!
2 1/2 hours in the air seemed way preferable to to 8 hours on the road when I booked the flight to see my family last month especially since Isabella flies free given the reasonably short flights--one 90 minute and one 60 minute--would allow for her to just sit in my lap.
However, that morning I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach.
What if Isabella decided to be THAT kid? The kid who scream cries at take off and continues until we land. I have never personally been on a flight with THAT kid but have heard horror stories. I did not want to be on the receiving end of death stares even though the trips would be reasonably short. I suspect death stares double or triple the perceived flying time!
What if I couldn't keep Isabella entertained in the airport? If I'm chasing her around then I can't keep an eye on our bags and you KNOW leaving what they say about leaving your bag unattended.
What if I forget to pack something imperative? I'm super cheap and without looking into booked the least expensive flight. Turns out basic economy doesn't include a carry on. Say what?!? Didn't even know that was possible. Found out a personal item could be a backpack and that a diaper back doesn't count as anything so....challenge accepted! I packed for us using just a backpack and diaper bag (diapers and other bulky items to be purchased in PA and brought back with my parents the next time they come to visit). I was now having second doubts about my packing ability especially since it would be just the two of us en route.
Then there are the various and sundry issues that come with plane travel. Missed connection, stuck on the runway for hours on end, plane falls out of the sky...ya know the standard concerns.
Lots of prayers and 9.5 hours later we landed at our hometown regional airport after a successful trip!
Two tips from a friend (board last and seat by a window) coupled with (what will probably be the last) the use of the Baby Bjorn, a couple downloaded episodes of the Bubble Guppies and a sticker book helped turn our seatmates nervous glances to compliments by the time we landed.
There was one touch and go moment on the second flight when the puddle jumper started down the runway. Isabella started crying (loudly!) but fell asleep before we were in the air (phew!).
Our return trip was equally uneventful (though the regional flight was replaced with a three hour car ride to Baltimore since I'm a dummy and booked the flights too close together and enter basic economy requires the purchase of a brand new ticket-smh) and we had lots of fun with family in between.
We may have to try this whole toddler flying thing at Christmas...it would be the same, right;)?
I was flying to PA...
with a toddler...
alone...gulp!
2 1/2 hours in the air seemed way preferable to to 8 hours on the road when I booked the flight to see my family last month especially since Isabella flies free given the reasonably short flights--one 90 minute and one 60 minute--would allow for her to just sit in my lap.
However, that morning I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach.
What if Isabella decided to be THAT kid? The kid who scream cries at take off and continues until we land. I have never personally been on a flight with THAT kid but have heard horror stories. I did not want to be on the receiving end of death stares even though the trips would be reasonably short. I suspect death stares double or triple the perceived flying time!
What if I couldn't keep Isabella entertained in the airport? If I'm chasing her around then I can't keep an eye on our bags and you KNOW leaving what they say about leaving your bag unattended.
What if I forget to pack something imperative? I'm super cheap and without looking into booked the least expensive flight. Turns out basic economy doesn't include a carry on. Say what?!? Didn't even know that was possible. Found out a personal item could be a backpack and that a diaper back doesn't count as anything so....challenge accepted! I packed for us using just a backpack and diaper bag (diapers and other bulky items to be purchased in PA and brought back with my parents the next time they come to visit). I was now having second doubts about my packing ability especially since it would be just the two of us en route.
Then there are the various and sundry issues that come with plane travel. Missed connection, stuck on the runway for hours on end, plane falls out of the sky...ya know the standard concerns.
Lots of prayers and 9.5 hours later we landed at our hometown regional airport after a successful trip!
Two tips from a friend (board last and seat by a window) coupled with (what will probably be the last) the use of the Baby Bjorn, a couple downloaded episodes of the Bubble Guppies and a sticker book helped turn our seatmates nervous glances to compliments by the time we landed.
There was one touch and go moment on the second flight when the puddle jumper started down the runway. Isabella started crying (loudly!) but fell asleep before we were in the air (phew!).
Our return trip was equally uneventful (though the regional flight was replaced with a three hour car ride to Baltimore since I'm a dummy and booked the flights too close together and enter basic economy requires the purchase of a brand new ticket-smh) and we had lots of fun with family in between.
We may have to try this whole toddler flying thing at Christmas...it would be the same, right;)?
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
15 Month Appointment
"Help me doctor--she needs to sleep!!!"
Maybe not verbatim, but that was pretty much my only question/concern when asked. Honestly my sleep isn't even all that effected. Now that she's not waking up during the night I am still getting a (mostly) full night of sleep. The problem is--she's not! She's not falling asleep until 8 and then still getting up around 5. This girl does not do well on 9 hours of night time sleep. And unfortunately her daytime sleep isn't making up the difference.
Her naps have also become a source of stress as she's only sleep about an hour each time and waking up a bear Something needs to change.
Doctor's advice?
Let her self-sooth to sleep (that's my nice way of saying cry it out--which I do not have any problems with but wanted a clean bill of health and assurance that there were not teeth in sight before proceeding. Honestly it hadn't even dawned on me for some reason and it felt like I got the permission I didn't realize I was looking for!).
AND
Make the transition to one nap a day
Even though we are traveling tomorrow I went ahead and started on the first point tonight. She cried for about 20-30 minutes (on and off) before going to sleep around 7:45 so already we are on track to getting her a little more sleep:).
She continues to be a big, strong girl and is consistently 85th percentile across the board for height, weight and head.
I also rectified my brief stint as an "Anti-Vax" Mama:). At the 12 month appointment I decided I wanted more time to figure out whether the chicken pox vaccine was necessary. Because clearly I am going to be a doctor so I'm wiser than the CDC, AAP, and a host of others (insert eye roll). After doing a little digging even though I had the chicken pox and survived (which is always a sound argument:/) there are a host of other issues that can arise so girlfriend is now up to date with all of her vaccines and will get to avoid missing a week of school and some itching when she hits elementary school.
Maybe not verbatim, but that was pretty much my only question/concern when asked. Honestly my sleep isn't even all that effected. Now that she's not waking up during the night I am still getting a (mostly) full night of sleep. The problem is--she's not! She's not falling asleep until 8 and then still getting up around 5. This girl does not do well on 9 hours of night time sleep. And unfortunately her daytime sleep isn't making up the difference.
Her naps have also become a source of stress as she's only sleep about an hour each time and waking up a bear Something needs to change.
Doctor's advice?
Let her self-sooth to sleep (that's my nice way of saying cry it out--which I do not have any problems with but wanted a clean bill of health and assurance that there were not teeth in sight before proceeding. Honestly it hadn't even dawned on me for some reason and it felt like I got the permission I didn't realize I was looking for!).
AND
Make the transition to one nap a day
Even though we are traveling tomorrow I went ahead and started on the first point tonight. She cried for about 20-30 minutes (on and off) before going to sleep around 7:45 so already we are on track to getting her a little more sleep:).
She continues to be a big, strong girl and is consistently 85th percentile across the board for height, weight and head.
I also rectified my brief stint as an "Anti-Vax" Mama:). At the 12 month appointment I decided I wanted more time to figure out whether the chicken pox vaccine was necessary. Because clearly I am going to be a doctor so I'm wiser than the CDC, AAP, and a host of others (insert eye roll). After doing a little digging even though I had the chicken pox and survived (which is always a sound argument:/) there are a host of other issues that can arise so girlfriend is now up to date with all of her vaccines and will get to avoid missing a week of school and some itching when she hits elementary school.
Monday, August 6, 2018
Girls "Weekend"
Since graduating from college I have been blessed to spend a weekend each year (there may have been some exceptions here or there) with my college roommates. We live in four different states so we rotate. It's a great chance to get away and catch up. This year's trip was in West Virginia and was my first time so far away from AND for 36 hours away from AND with J.T. as sole caregiver overnight (and throughout the day but that part's not a first).
It was all around a success! Had a good time, good food, and good wine with friends.
With the wonders of technology when I missed Isabella I would pull up a photo or video which helped. I didn't have to listen to Raffi ad nauseum, in fact, didn't have to listen to him at all and sang along with a bunch of songs that didn't include farm animals, motions or even rhyme. J.T. and Isabella did well on their end. Only a stray "mama?" here and there. They visited a couple of different playgrounds and Chick-Fil-A. J.T. admitted he was nervous to take her anywhere else because he's not comfortable dealing with a meltdown in public. They don't happen often but this girl knows what she wants and can become shall we testy.
I think a night away from my girl is all I can handle at this point, but I am super happy that it is possible.
It was all around a success! Had a good time, good food, and good wine with friends.
With the wonders of technology when I missed Isabella I would pull up a photo or video which helped. I didn't have to listen to Raffi ad nauseum, in fact, didn't have to listen to him at all and sang along with a bunch of songs that didn't include farm animals, motions or even rhyme. J.T. and Isabella did well on their end. Only a stray "mama?" here and there. They visited a couple of different playgrounds and Chick-Fil-A. J.T. admitted he was nervous to take her anywhere else because he's not comfortable dealing with a meltdown in public. They don't happen often but this girl knows what she wants and can become shall we testy.
I think a night away from my girl is all I can handle at this point, but I am super happy that it is possible.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
There Goes Bedtime
Hoping this is the 18 month sleep regression striking early, but what is happening?!?!
Since she was about 4 months old going to sleep at bedtime has pretty much been standard. Walk (if the weather allows), bath, jammies, bottle while she still took one and then bed.
Now out of the blue Isabella has decided to that she's too cool for bedtime.
We have tried adjusting the time. We have tried making the routine longer and added books and other quiet activities. We held her for a couple of nights but that didn't seem sustainable (or wise!) so tried just sitting in her room. That worked well, but we need those 30-45 minutes (until she's conked out enough for us to tip toe out without her noticing) to DO things.
As an added bonus, she also reverted back to waking up through the night. In an effort to have sleep all around I have started leaving couch cushions outside of her door and sacking out on those. She falls back to sleep relatively quickly (though there have been a couple of nights when she has been up for like 45 minutes and one sad night when it was two hours!). She doesn't seem to WANT to be up she just can't go back to sleep. She just "swims".
There has also been some "swimming" randomly on the floor during the day so we visited the pediatrician who brought Nexium back into our lives. Fortunately insurance must have changed because we are now paying $1 per daily dose instead of $3 (score!). It has definitely made a difference for the land "swimming" and nighttime wake ups, but bedtime continues to be a point of contention.
I started sitting outside of her door on the aforementioned couch cushions as a compromise with the hopes of eventually weaning her without all the drama (fingers crossed). There are only a limited amount of things I can do while staying in eyesight of the crib that do not make noise. Did I mention I have things to do?!?!
Since she was about 4 months old going to sleep at bedtime has pretty much been standard. Walk (if the weather allows), bath, jammies, bottle while she still took one and then bed.
Now out of the blue Isabella has decided to that she's too cool for bedtime.
We have tried adjusting the time. We have tried making the routine longer and added books and other quiet activities. We held her for a couple of nights but that didn't seem sustainable (or wise!) so tried just sitting in her room. That worked well, but we need those 30-45 minutes (until she's conked out enough for us to tip toe out without her noticing) to DO things.
As an added bonus, she also reverted back to waking up through the night. In an effort to have sleep all around I have started leaving couch cushions outside of her door and sacking out on those. She falls back to sleep relatively quickly (though there have been a couple of nights when she has been up for like 45 minutes and one sad night when it was two hours!). She doesn't seem to WANT to be up she just can't go back to sleep. She just "swims".
There has also been some "swimming" randomly on the floor during the day so we visited the pediatrician who brought Nexium back into our lives. Fortunately insurance must have changed because we are now paying $1 per daily dose instead of $3 (score!). It has definitely made a difference for the land "swimming" and nighttime wake ups, but bedtime continues to be a point of contention.
I started sitting outside of her door on the aforementioned couch cushions as a compromise with the hopes of eventually weaning her without all the drama (fingers crossed). There are only a limited amount of things I can do while staying in eyesight of the crib that do not make noise. Did I mention I have things to do?!?!
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