9 Months and Looking Ahead

Today marks exactly 9 months since our profile was live and we officially became a waiting family.

For most expectant parents the 9 month mark means baby will arrive any day now.  There are doctor's visits and medical updates, and while I am sure it feels like the wait is interminable (and I can imagine physically uncomfortable) within less than two weeks they get to meet the little person they have spent the last 9 months preparing for and dreaming of.

The 9 month mark for us means:

My hope against hope has been that we would be on the faster side of average (average being one year); however, it is becoming increasingly clear that I need to begin to prepare myself for being on the other side of average and beyond.

Ultimately, I know that no matter how fast or how long our wait is, the length of the wait will be perfect because it will bring us to the baby we will spend the rest of our lives getting to know and love and the birth family we will spend the rest of our lives building a relationship with to help baby become the best person he or she can be.  So my head knows this is all working out the way it's supposed to, but it doesn't make my heart ache any less:(.

Last summer and throughout this past school year, I kept hearing in the back of my head this little voice that said:  "this will be your last 'fill in the blank' (field study, book character day, etc.) or "I wonder how x, y, z (pre-planning, new schedule, handbook revision, etc.) will go without me next year?".  Now that we have officially closed the 2014-2015 school year and already have a healthy start of prep for the 2015-2016 it is becoming more and more apparent that I will be there every step of the way when our opening kindergarten class from the 2010-2011 school year finalizes their elementary career in June of 2016.  

While there is definitely a sense of poetic justice to seeing something you started at its inception reach its finale; however, had you asked me in August of 2010 what I saw myself doing in June of 2016 I would have answered "Attending our oldest child's kindergarten graduation.".  Instead it appears I will be leading the ceremony that would bridge those 2010 kindergartners I was welcoming on that day to middle school.

At my core, I continue to believe that everything happens for a reason.  And with each passing day I become just a little bit more comfortable with the fact that I may never get to know what that reason is and that just has to be ok.