Just Keep Swimming

Took J.T. to the emergency room on Sunday for a kidney stone.  Left with more than we bargained for.  The ER doctor didn't mince words when she told him in addition to the stone the CT scan also showed a malignant tumor on his kidney and masses in his lungs.

After a few days of additional tests he has been diagnosed with Stage I Renal Cancer.

They caught it SUPER early so we may be the only people ever who feel that a kidney stone was a blessing!

Well, to be fair, J.T. maybe doesn't feel totally blessed at the moment because the stupid stone doesn't seem to want to pass.  He may have to have a procedure that breaks it up in order to get it out.  After that they will begin to discuss the process for getting rid of the tumor.

The lungs currently appear to be nothing other than some remnants from pneumonia.  They also saw a lesion on his liver that was found to be beignine.

Fortunately his mom came out for a day or so to help get him to doctor's appointments (he can't drive with the pain meds he's taking) and my parents will be here next week.

While J.T.'s health is our top priority at the moment I almost can't process it with everything else I was already trying to cope with.  This line keeps playing over and over again in my head:

So that's what I am doing...

One and Done?

Despite everything that is going on there are still some brain cells that seem assigned (or maybe obsessed) with whether or not we will be able to have a sibling for Isabella.

Nothing has changed on the adoption front and there is nothing that leads up to believe it ever will.

Isabella is the upside of a 50/50 chance we took in using IVF with Donor Eggs.  It feels like tempting fate even if we could scrape together another $30k to give it another shot.  Donor Embryos comes with a smaller price tag, but the same if not less successful odds.  Also, if I'm being completely honest, even though I was thrilled to learn my body can carry a pregnancy effectively the c-section and recovery part is not something I would look forward to again. 

Over the last few months I have begun coming to terms with the possibility of being one and done.  I am now praying for God to lead me.  I am also beginning to look for resources about only childhood.  J.T. has no complaints about being an only child.  He actually seems to have preferred it.  However, my grandmother was an only child and used to talk about how lonely it was for her.  I also am worried about all the pressure that will be on J.T. (and by extension our family) as his mom ages and eventually will need assistance.  My parents each had siblings to help them through the process and J.T. (and as things currently look Isabella) will not have that added support.  It makes me worried:(.

I just want to be sure that we are making the right decision for Isabella.  However, it may just be that God is making the decision for us.  As such it absolutely IS the right decision for Isabella and our family.

Happy Birthday Isabella!

This funny, smart, beautiful, amazing little girl is officially a toddler!  This first year was filled with so many wonderful firsts.  It has been such a blessing to watch our baby grow into her own.  She is soooo active and sooo loving (we have to limit her to one hug for her buddy A who is not quite so touchy feely!).  She has little to no fear and is fiercely independent.  We are so blessed to be her parents and are excited to see what the next year brings.

We celebrated her birthday with a small party at home with family and friends.  We have her a smash cupcake which she tried but seemed to be able to take it or leave it (pretty impressive for the offspring of two reforming sugar addicts!).  She loves her Glow worm, doll baby, doctor kit, and books.  The party had a touch of an Alice in Wonderland theme (side effect of hitting the wall was I got the invitations sent out in time but the party wasn't planned until the day before!) and so we borrowed a croquet set.  J.T's 92 year old stepgrandmother whipped everyone and came out the victor.  I can only pray to have half of that woman's energy at that age.

Isabella will help keep me young I'm sure.  Looking forward to our second year together!